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Season Three (1991-1992)

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Episode Pages

Each episode from the third season has its own page. On the pages are information, links to transcripts, and perhaps other media. Click an episode number to visit its page.

301 | 302 | 303 | 304 | 305 | 306 | 307 | 308 | 309 | 310
311 | 312 | 313 | 314 | 315 | 316 | 317 | 318 | 319 | 320

 

Episode Guide

Reprinted below is an episode guide for season three as it appeared in the old alt.tv.kids-in-hall FAQ. (Only change: added episode numbers which link to episode pages.) It is reprinted here to be used to help find the skit or show you are interested in; then you can click the episode page.

This episode guide is not authored or updated by KITHfan.org. There are some mistakes and omissions, all of which should be fixed on the accompanying episode page.

If you need help reading this guide, see the help page. Also, many people helped in the creation of the old FAQ, thank you to them all.

#301
 Stewardesses in Diner (SKBD)(3): they burst in asking if anyone can fly a plane
 New Development in the Sauna (DS)(3): steam room talk (Danny Husk)
 Bigot Cabbie -- Blue Jays (KM)(3): the Bigot cabbie blames "certain people" when the Blue Jays lose (Bigot Cabbie)
 Chicken Lady at Strip Show (all)(3): the freaks attends a strip show and see Rooster Boy (Chicken Lady, Bearded Lady, Slimy MC)
 Psycho Cabbie (KSM)(3): same customer, but this cabbie shoots other cars and takes unwanted short cuts (Bigot Cabbie, Psycho Cabbie)
 Police Department (SMB)(3): 7:36 p.m. West End Mall - they withstand some blatant abuse (Police Department)
 Farmers in a Diner (DK)(3): two farmers discuss celebrities
 My Pen! (all+J)(3): office worker has his pen taken (Psycho Cabbie)
 Police Department (SM)(3): 9:52 p.m. Fellow Lane - they discuss a movie over a dead body (Police Department)

#302
 Fag! (S)(3): guy coming out of house repeatedly called fag
 Sleepwalking 1 (SDB)(3): Brian pretends to be sleepwalking (Fran, Gordon, Brian)
 Dog Trainer (KD)(3): guy tries to train his useless dog
 Relationship Section (BDK)(3): couples sits in relationship section of restaurant
 Painting with Darryl (M)(3): Darryl on his show "Painting with the Inner Child with Darryl" (Darryl)
 Sleepwalking 2 (SB)(3): ...later that same night (Fran, Gordon)
 Girl Drink Drunk* (DK)(3): businessman addicted to girl drinks

#303
 Asleep on the Job (DS)(2): street worker asleep on the job
 Bruce the Small Guy (BD)(3): Bruce wonders how tall he is
 Stunned Father (K)(3): father stunned because wife left him -- "a whole lotta milk-a".
 The "I Want a Raise" Guy 1 (KD)(3): comedy writer wants a raise
 Gimmel-100 Salesmen (BMS)(3): money momentum guys sell Gimmel-100 organs (Money Momentum Guys)
 The "I Want a Raise" Guy 2 (KD)(3): comedy writer wants a raise continued
 Buddy's Bar -- Tammy the Pop Star (all)(3): Buddy discovers Tammy (Buddy, Tammy)

#304
 Obnoxious Golf Guy (KD)(3): the obnoxious golf guy tries to make small talk
 Those Earrings Are Mine (all)(2): guy tries to explain away his affair (Robert)
 Flying Pig 1 (BDKM)(3): the flying pig at the bank line (Flying Pig, Darryl, Guy in Line)
 Canada Abandons Monarchy (SM)(2): Queen tries to win back Canada (The Queen, Prince Edward)
 Flying Pig 2 (BKS)(3): the flying pig continued (Flying Pig, Guy in Line)
 Awards Show (all)(3): the movie awards show
 Flying Pig 3/Police Department (BM)(3): (Flying Pig, Police Department)
 Substitute Axe (DK)(3): ax murderer tries to borrow an ax (Ax Murderer)
 Flying Pig 4 (BMK)(3): the flying pig continued (Flying Pig, Guy in Line)

#305
 But First... (DMKB)(3): Businessmen -- "I'd like to begin the presentation, but first..."
 Tanya the Temp Leaves (all)(3): Tanya the temp leaves the office (Cathy, Kathie, Tanya, Ms. Ferguson)
 Open Letter to Wheel Stealer (B)(3): Bruce's open letter to the guy that stole his bike wheel
 The Mouse (M)(3): story of a guy's conflict with a mouse (Tucker)
 Open Letter to Wheel Stealer Watchers (B)(3): Bruce's open letter to the people who watched the guy steal his bike wheel
 The Murder Trial (all)(3): guy lies on the stand to get away with murder
 Scott Buying Beer (SB)(3): Scott wonders whether he should buy beer for some underage youth

#306
 Police Department 1 (BMS)(3): p.m. Stanfield Park - police find a dead body (Police Department)
 Accent Teacher (KM)(3): teacher teaches accents
 Making Potato Salad (B)(3): red beehive lady makes potato salad (Myra)
 Don't Blame the Clown (SD)(3): clown causes trouble in business meeting (Danny Husk, A.T. & Love Boss, Bingo the Clown)
 Drag Revolution (S)(3): drag queens take over
 Police Department 2 (BMSD)(3): 10:03 p.m. Stanfield Park - dead body continued (Police Department)
 The Phantom of the Warehouse (all)(3): bad boss becomes the legend
 Police Department 3 (BM)(3): 10:36 p.m. Stanfield Park - dead body continued (Police Department)

#307
 Live with Mom or Dad? (MDBS)(3): kid has to decide who to live with
 Pit of Ultimate Darkness on a Date (KDB)(3): Pit of Ultimate Darkness has a date in a restaurant (Pit of Ultimate Darkness)
 Bruce Lookalike 1 (BD)(3): the guy who thinks he looks like Bruce
 Crazy Guy in Waiting Room (SM)(3): crazy guy mocks people in a waiting room
 Why Did They Have to Take the Word "Gay"? (M)(3): lady wonders why gays had to use the word "gay"
 Bruce Lookalike 2/Dad Died -- Call Mom (KBMD)(3): brothers are told their dad died and they quibble over change (Doctor)
 I've Been Kidnapped (all)(3): Danny Husk reads the paper to discover that he has been kidnapped (Danny Husk, White-Haired Criminal)

#308
 Einstein (DK)(3): Einstein insulted by sarcastic painter
 Gut Guys (MBK)(3): they guys with big guts at a bar
 Wedding Reception 1 (BD)(3): the wedding reception, toasts, etc.
 Terrier Song (BK)(3): the Terrier Song (Terrier)
 Wedding Reception 2 (MB)(3): wedding reception continued
 The "Ascertain" Guy (BD)(3): the guy who can't stop using the word "ascertain"
 Wedding Reception 3 (SBK)(3): wedding reception continued
 Darryl the Waiter (all)(3): Darryl at his job as waiter (Darryl)

#309
 Old Lady Falls Down (SKMB)(3): old lady falls down, man takes her oranges (Police Department)
 Psychic Artist (DK)(3): Dave's draws a person he has never seen, based only on the sound of his voice
 Gavin's Love (all)(3): Gavin falls in love with his babysitter (Gavin, Gavin's mother)
 Mr. Heavyfoot Puts on his Pants* (DK)(3): (Mr. Heavyfoot)
 Buddy's Bar -- Paris (S)(3): Buddy discusses his time in Paris (Buddy)
 Street Singers 1 (BM)(3): the street singers sing on the street (Street Singers)
 Mr. Heavyfoot Hates the Movie* (D)(3): (Mr. Heavyfoot)
 Street Singers 2 (all)(3): the street singers in their home (Street Singers)

#310
 It's a Fact (-)(3): you can get blood from a stone
 Wanna See a Dead Body? (SDBK)(3): man brings his girlfriend to see a dead body in a field (White-Haired Criminal)
 Scott's Double 1 (all+P)(3): Scott's double starts misbehaving (Paul Bellini)
 Businessmen (BM)(3): Gerald and Gerald talk on the phone (Gerald, Gerald)
 Minimum Wage (B)(3): guy complains about minimum wage
 Scott's Double 2 (all+P)(3): Scott's double continued
 Stereo Bargaining (BD)(3): man bargains in a stereo store (Murray)
 It's a Fact (-)(3): uncle lost his job and acts weird
 Naval Captain (KSD)(3): the stupid ship captain
 It's a Fact (M)(3): the "It's a Fact" girl bargains for more money (Murray)

#311
 Girls! Girls! Girls! (KM)(3): guy follows signs to find girls (Mr. Tyzik)
 The Marriages (all)(3): a woman's repeated failed attempts at marriage
 He's 45 1 (BD)(3): hip guy talks to his son (He's 45)
 The Thrift Shop (SMK)(3): Raj and Christine discuss the strange day (Raj, Christine)
 He's 45 2 (BDK)(3): hip guy and his family (He's 45)
 Sexual Harassment of Himself (MKD)(3): trial of the man who acused himself of sexual harassment
 He's 45 3 (BK)(3): hip guy's open relationship (He's 45)
 Stay Down! (BMKS)(3): Sid who won't stay down when losing a fight (Sid, Sharisse, The Queen, Sid's Friend)

#312
 Police Department (BM)(3): 9:33 p.m. Simcoe Park - other careers: opera singer and security guard (Police Department)
 Chicken Kabob (all)(3): man chokes on a chicken kabob
 Fake Ed McMahon (BDM)(3): man pretends to be Ed McMahon
 Police Department (BM)(3): 6:17 p.m. Westfield Ave. - shift's over (Police Department)
 Buddy's Bar -- AIDS (S)(3): Buddy talks about AIDS (Buddy)
 Wimpy Tea Guy (KM)(3): Mr. Tisane orders some tea (Mr. Tisane)
 Police Department (BM)(3): 8:11 p.m. Logan Road - asleep on the car (Police Department)
 Tammy -- The Pickle (all+P)(3): Tammy meets the Queen at a pickle factory (Tammy, The Queen, Paul Bellini)

#313
 History of Boxing (KD)(3): innovation in the history of boxing
 Pizza Shop Lechers (MKD)(3): pizza shop guys lust after schoolgirls
 On the Subject of Me* (D)(3): on the subject of Dave - opera
 Sid & Sharisse (BM)(3): Sid wonders if he is too small to love (Sid, Sharisse)
 On the Subject of Me* (D)(3): on the subject of Dave - desert island
 The Agents (SMDB)(3): the agents try to get an actor a gig (Sudelmans)
 On the Subject of Me* (D)(3): on the subject of Dave - mustache
 Bald Man's Horrible Secret (B)(3): bald wig salesman has a horrible secret

#314
 Poem by the Emperor of Japan 1 (M)(3): the emporer recites a haiku
 Gavin's Mother's Funeral (all)(3): Gavin attends his mother's funeral (Gavin, Father, New Mother, Murray)
 Poem by the Emperor of Japan 2 (M)(3): another haiku
 King of Empty Promises (KDM)(3): the "Will Do" guy borrows a videotape from Lex (Dean, Lex)
 Bruce on How to Break Into Show Biz (B)(3): Bruce explains how to break into show business
 Appendix Scar of Hate (MDK)(3): man has a disturbing appendix scar (Doctor)
 Poem by the Emperor of Japan 3 (M)(3): another haiku
 Scott Thompson's Perfect Man (all)(3): Scott describes his perfect man

#315
 Police Department (BM)(3): 9:34 p.m. Welland Park - abandoned potato (Police Department)
 Captain Wonderful (DKS)(3): Captain Wonderful, Arms Longfellow, and the Winged Avenger at their hideout
 Don't Call Her 1 (BS)(3): man debates whether to call a potential girlfriend (Brad)
 Police Department
 Gay Home Alone Outfit (S)(3): Scott explains what gay boys wear when home alone
 Businessman that Just Stares (MKD)(3): the party with businessman that just stares unnervingly but has ulterior motives
 Don't Call Her 2 (B)(3): man and girlfriend have sex
 Exhibition Shirling (all)(3): an exhibition of shirling (Shirling Guy)

#316
 Celebrities Scott Thompson Looks Like (S)(3): the celebrities Scott Thompson looks like
 One Clearly Insane Person (DK)(3): Jerry Sizzler visits his now-cured sister (Jerry & Jerry Sizzler)
 It's a Fact (M)(3): Importance of Cleaning Ears
 After-Death Experience (M)(3): Mississippi Gary's song about his after-death experience (Mississippi Gary)
 Garbage Man Fan (BKM)(3): man who applauds garbage men
 It's a Fact
 Looking for Pot (all+PJ)(3): Bower goes searching for pot (Bower, Jocelyn, Satan, Bobby)

#317
 Flying Pig Remeniscing (all)(3): man remenisces about the Flying Pig (Flying Pig, Guy in Line, Danny Husk)
 Her "God" Spot (DKM)(3): dog show organizer wonder about a misprint
 The Darcy Pennell Show* with Francesca Fiore (DKS)(3): Francesca Fiore goes on Darcy's show and brings a clip of her next movie (Darcy Pennell, Francesca Fiore, Bruno Puntz Jones)
 Son of Flying Pig 1 (MSKB)(3): the son of the Flying Pig shows up (Flying Pig, Guy in Line)
 Thank-you letters of Tyrone Bibbens Esquire (SK)(3): Tyrone Bibbens writes thank you letters, because he'll be dead soon
 Tanya at a Party 1 (all)(3): Tanya annoys people at a party (Tanya)
 Son of Flying Pig 2 (KBD)(3): son of the Flying Pig continued (Flying Pig, Guy in Line)
 Tanya at a Party 2 (MD)(3): Tanya the day after the party (Tanya) (over credits)

#318
 Old Yeller 1 (all)(3): KITH presents the dramatic conclusion of "Old Yeller"
 A.T. & Love's Danny Husk -- Porn Star (SD)(3): Danny Husk's Boss confronts Danny about being a porn star (Danny Husk, A.T. & Love Boss)
 "What If" Guy (BM)(3): man confronts noisy people in restaurant, but runs through alternate versions of reality in his mind
 Buddy's Bar -- Drugs (S)(3): Buddy talks about drugs (Buddy)
 Old Yeller 2 (all)(3): another dramatic conclusion of "Old Yeller"
 Rod Torfulson's Armada (MBSK)(3): Rod tries to convince the band to change its name (Armada)
 Horsey/Old Yeller 3 (DSMK)(3): mother reveals the truth to her daughter about her horsey/dramatic conclusion of "Old Yeller"

#319
 What?!?!? (SB)(3): man wonders about the look his wife gives him
 Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Hecubus Fired 1 (KDSB)(3): Hecubus is fired for drinking too much (Pit of Ultimate Darkness)
 Father & Son Thieves (BS)(3): father and son rob a man's house
 Darryl on a Date -- Darryl's Momma (MDS)(3): Darryl has a date over and tells his date about his mother (Darryl)
 Pit of Ultimate Darkness -- Hecubus Fired 2 (DK)(3): Hecubus fired continued (Pit of Ultimate Darkness)
 Absent-Minded Customer/Scott Thompson's 100th Waiter Sketch (all)(3): an absent minded guy doesn't understand the story/celebration for Scott's 100th Waiter

#320
 On the Subject of Me* (D)(3): on the subject of Dave
 Bearded Lady Marries (DKM)(3): the bearded lady prepares to get married (Chicken Lady, Bearded Lady)
 Arrogant Executive (DK)(3): the arrogant executive listens to an ad pitch
 Kids in the Hall Kids/Bruce's Regrets (BM)(3): Bruce's regrets at the end of the KITH season (Satan, Mr. Tyzik, Cabbage Head)
 Horny Patient (SK)(3): horny man gets examined by a nurse (Nurse Unloop)
 On the Subject of Me* (D)(3): on the subject of Dave
 Spy Models* (SDMK)(3): a film with Francesca & Bruno (Francesca Fiore, Bruno Puntz Jones)

#321 (Compilation Episode)
 Girls! Girls! Girls! (KM)(3): guy follows signs to find girls (Mr. Tyzik)
 The Marriages (all)(3): a woman's repeated failed attempts at marriage
 Bigot Cabbie -- Blue Jays (KM)(3): the Bigot cabbie blames "certain people" when the Blue Jays lose (Bigot Cabbie)
 New Development in the Sauna (DS)(3): Steam room talk (Danny Husk)
 It's a Fact (-)(3): the "It's a Fact" girl bargains for more money (Murray)
 Psycho Cabbie (KSM)(3): same customer, but this cabbie shoots other cars and takes unwanted short cuts (Bigot Cabbie, Psycho Cabbie)
 The Thrift Shop (SMK)(3): Raj and Christine discuss the strange day (Raj, Christine)
 My Pen! (all+J)(3): office worker has his pen taken (Psycho Cabbie)
 It's a Fact (M) (3): Bargaining for more money

#322 (Compilation Episode - not in FAQ)
 Police Department (SMB)(3): 7:36 p.m. West End Mall - they withstand some blatant abuse (Police Department)
 Chicken Lady at Strip Show (all)(3): the freaks attends a strip show and see Rooster Boy (Chicken Lady, Bearded Lady, Slimy MC)
 Old Lady Falls Down (SKMB)(3): old lady falls down, man takes her oranges (Police Department)
 King of Empty Promises (KDM)(3): the "Will Do" guy borrows a videotape from Lex (Dean, Lex)
 Canada Abandons Monarchy (SM)(2): Queen tries to win back Canada (The Queen, Prince Edward)
 Police Department (BM)(3): 8:11 p.m. Logan Road - asleep on the car (Police Department)
 Stay Down! (BMKS)(3): Sid who won't stay down when losing a fight (Sid, Sharisse, The Queen, Sid's Friend)

 

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 Episode Guide- The original alt.tv.kids-in-hall FAQ

 

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