Bruce and Mark: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart (September 30th, 1999)

Jon: We got a Canadian! Tonight's guest is a founding member of the comedy troupe "Kids in the Hall". He's moving on to direct two feature films, "Dog Park", it's in the theatres now, and his second, "Superstar", stars Molly Shannon and it opens next week.

[clip: "Superstar"]

[Mark as Father Ritley sits behind a desk and Molly Shannon as Mary Katherine Gallagher sits in front of the desk with her hands under her arms. She looks down the whole time.]

Mark: Mary - you're a special girl. So special, that we're going to put you in special ed. [he notices her hands] What are you doing with your hands?

Molly Shannon: [quiet] Sometimes, when I get nervous, I stick my fingers [sob] under my arms, and then I smell them like that. [she smells her fingers and looks at Mark. He looks digusted.]

[clip ends]

Jon: [smiling] Please welcome Bruce McCulloch!

[Bruce enters to Daily Show music, the audience cheers and applauds him. He goes over to Jon Stewart and shakes his hand, and does a little motion before he sits on the couch.]

Jon: Nice to see you!

Bruce: I'm not Bruce Springsteen, I'm Bruce McCulloch! I get this problem all the time.

Jon: Really?

Bruce: And I won't be doing three and a half hours out here this evening, either.

Jon: Oh yes, you will.

Bruce: [laughs] Oh, no...

Jon: I've got bad news for you. Uh, how are you doing, you're coming off, you're an auteur now, a, a, a film director.

Bruce: I guess that's what they call it, eh? I, sir, I just like to work. I'm humble.

Jon: I see, yeah, until you get the control.

Bruce: [whispers] Yeah.

Jon: And then you enjoy it. You always seemed like a nice guy, that was, that was the thing I noticed about on the Kids in the Hall, is, uh, there was always obviously a conflict, and a lot of those guys are, as you know, uh, pricks, but um, you...

Bruce: No, they're nice guys. They wear girdles, but they're nice guys.

Jon: Yeah. But you struck me as, a menche among men.

Bruce: Awww...

Jon: Within the Kids in the Hall. If I may say that, you really...yeah...

Bruce: Yeah. It's...

[An incoherent voice is heard from off to the side, and the audience begins to cheer again. Jon and Bruce look off to the side, Jon looks like "is there a problem?" look. Switch to Mark standing by the stage entrance, pointing to himself and looking dismissive.]

Jon: I'm - I'm sorry, sir. I'm sorry, sir, we're talking to Bruce McCulloch, from "Kids in the Hall".

Mark: No, no, but you just made a huge mistake, I'm the nice Kid in the Hall.

Bruce: I - I think you're the grumpy Kid in the Hall, I'm the nice Kid in the Hall.

Mark: Oh, no.

Jon: Well, I have an Internet survey here...[Bruce laughs]...and it says you're the prettiest Kid in the Hall.

Mark: [going over to couch] Oh, yeah, that too. [smiles at camera]

Jon: Mark McKinney, ladies and gentlemen!

[The audience starts up again, Mark and Bruce shake hands and Mark sits on the couch next to Bruce.]

Bruce: And I must say, that, I can't get rid of Mark McKinney. He was in "Dog Park", he's in "Superstar", and, um...

Mark: I'm on a couch next to you.

[They laugh]

Bruce: He always does this, gets close to me, he says, "Oh...I, I think I've left some change down here..." [he puts his hand behind Mark under the couch cushion, they giggle, Bruce notices Jon] Oh, I'm - I'm sorry, Mr. Stewart. I just want to work, that's all.

Jon: That's okay. This is the best show I've been to in a long time, I can't go to those theatres anymore, they know me. [Mark and Bruce laugh] What, uh, uh, is Mark McKinney an easy actor to direct, and to command, and to push around the set?

Bruce: Yeah, if you don't mind waiting a couple hours til he gets there, and it's like, "Q-tip, I need a Q-tip, and a cell phone!" [Mark laughs] "And a sandwich!"

Jon: So, a bit of a primadonna?

Bruce: Little bit of a primadonna. He likes to curl up in a fetal position and lick the Bible for strength each morning. [Mark nods] He's a hard man to direct, Mr. McKinney is! [Mark and Jon laugh]

Jon: That would be a hard man to direct! Let me ask you this: given the obvious tension between the two of you, is there ever a chance - because "Kids in the Hall" is one of my all-time favorite shows, and you guys truly are great guys - is there ever a chance that we could get that back together again?

[Some audience members cheer.]

Bruce: Well, thank you so much, one of the reasons - [stops to look at Mark, who is staring off into space] - what's wrong, Mark?

Mark: [snaps back to attention] Nothing, I just - I left. I'm back. I'm back.

Bruce: You seem a little sad, how can I cheer you up?

Mark: [talks like he's reading a cue card, but he's not] I know what you can do. How about we hit the road on January 13th in Vancouver and do a tour for six weeks, winding up in Minneanapolis on February 27th?

[The audience cheers and applauds. Bruce and Mark begin to laugh again.]

Mark: [laughing] Can you do that for old time's sake?

Jon: My, GOD, it's that easy?!

Mark: Yeah!

Bruce: All you have to do is ask. Yes, actually, uh, Mr. Stewart sir, we are Kids in the Hall, and only two of us can be here tonight, are going to go on a major North American tour, excluding Mexico, of course. [laughs] Starting in January.

Jon: That's terrific news, I'm very excited. And, as easy as this is, and the power I seem to have over this kind of thing, I'm going to place a call to McCartney, [Bruce giggles] Starr, and Harrison, and I'm gonna get those kids back together again.

Bruce: And then maybe you can get my parents back together.

Mark: Yeah. [Mark and Bruce laugh]

Bruce: [laughing] 'Cause it did something to me, boy!

Jon: Really? Will they tour?

Bruce: [laughs] Yes.

Jon: "Superstar" is opening next week?

Bruce: Yes it is.

Jon: Yeah, that looks very funny, I look forward to seeing all that stuff. [to camera, motioning to them] Bruce McCulloch, Mark McKinney, Kids in the Hall are going to be touring this winter!

Credits to Comedy Central

Contributor

•  Sabby McD