Speech Impediment

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Tlyco@aol.com
[Kevin and Dave are at the bar. Bruce is not in this frame, but his character is the one who is in another episode as "just a nutty bunny."]

Kevin: Yes, I did see that film and I must disagree with you. I didn't find it disappointing at all. I thought the movie was amizzing, absolutely amizzing.

Dave: I just can't agree.

Kevin: Visually, I thought the look of the film was dazzling. And, I can appreciate the look of the film, because as you know I dabble in photo-graphee myself. I thought [no clue to the name he says] Eevran Sa-val-eez J R period gave a riveting performance in the lead.

Dave: Really? I like his work better on the old FBI TV show.

Kevin: All in all, I found the movie a dell-ig-jit-full, marvel-louse, eh-fair.

Dave: A delightful, marvelous affair? Well, I guess that's where we differ.

Kevin: It's showtimmy!

Dave: Ah.

[Kevin goes to piano, Dave sits on stool next to him.]

Dave: Evening. Thanks for coming down tonight. How you doing? You're looking very nice.

Kevin: [fake plays the piano] Good evening everyone. [sings] And, I get no kick from sham-pag-knee.

Dave: Champagne.

Kevin: Mere al-chu-hule--

Dave: Alcohol.

Kevin: --doesn't thrill me at all. So tell me why should it be true that I get a kitchk--

Dave: Kick.

Kevin: --out of you.

[Musical interlude. Close up on black hands at piano. Cut back to Kevin with his hands in the air, notices he should be playing and quickly gets them back down.]

Kevin: So tell me why should it be true that I get a kitchk out of jew.

[All patrons do spit-take.]

Kevin: And jew and-a jew.

Bruce: Uh-uh. Excuse me, what exactly do you mean by that?

Dave: Oh, he means "a kick out of you." He gets a kick out of. . .not a kick out of jews, of course.

Bruce: Have you got something against jews?

Dave: Noo, he loves jews. Big jew lover. But, it's just a speech impediment. He can't help it. He-he hasn't got a clue.

[Piano finishes up.]

Bruce: Oh. Wwwell then encore! Yeah, encore.

Kevin: What?

Dave: En-core-eh. En-core-eh.

Kevin: Ooo. En-core-eh. [starts playing piano.] Thank you very much. You pea-opl-uh have been a lovely audien-key. Thank you and good nijit.

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video