The Phone Show/Touch Paul Bellini

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Marie (Ree) Panepinto
[All the Kids play themselves, plus Dave and Kevin also play Jerry Sizzler.]

[Continued from Answer the phone...]

[Mark has literally just walked through the Sizzler sisters by tearing the shot down.]

Dave: We can see your subscription to Floor Covering Weekly has expired...

Kevin: And you will expire too.

[Mark walks up behind a headless maniquen with a tuxedo on and the Sizzler sisters fall down and disapear.]

Mark: Hey viewers, did you know that you've been watching The Phone Show? That's right, a Kids in the Hall theme show based loosely around the telephone. So what'd ya think? Well if you *did* think something give us a call at the number below [1-800-387-1942] because as incentive, one of the callers will be selected at random to win the Touch Paul Bellini Contest. That's right, we'll deliver our guy to your home or place of work so that you can touch Bellini.

[Cut to a picture of Bellini in a towel.]

Mark: Whether you hug him, pinch him, or just stand a few feet back and poke at him with a stick...

[Cut back to Mark]

Mark:'ll be spending quality time with an interesting physical specimen. So call us now, cuz we *do* have operators standing by.

[Cut to the other four kids sitting in front of phones. Bruce waves, but the other kids look apathetic.]

Mark: Call now, call often.

[Cut back to Mark]

Mark: Unless of course this is a which case I wonder if I'm dead...[gets a frightened look on his face.]

[Cut to the four kids in front of the phones. A phone is ringing and no one is getting it.]

Mark: Attention citizens. Phone this number right now. If you are one of the first one hundred callers, your name could be drawn and you could be the lucky winner.

[Cut to picture of Bellini]

Mark: Paul Bellini will then fly to your hometown where you will be videotaped touching Paul Bellini. So phone right now...

[Cut to the Kids at phone. And still no one's answering.]

Mark:...and see yourself on an upcoming episode of The Kids in the Hall show touching Bellini.

[Cut to picture of Bellini]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video