Transcribed from: Comedy Central[on subway platform]
Transcribed by: Tlyco@aol.comMark: [doing karate kicks close to Scott] Wah! Wah! Ah! Hah! Ah!
Scott: Cut it out, wouldja? `Kay?
Mark: Hey, you know that Glenda? I think she likes me, what do you think?
Scott: I dunno.
Mark: What? You don't think she likes me?
Scott: I said, I don't know.
Mark: Well, I think she likes me.
Scott: Yeah, whatever.
[Mark takes out a cigarette and puts it in his mouth.]
Scott: Whattya doin'?
Mark: Nothin'.
Scott: Whattya doin'?
Mark: Well, nothin'.
Scott: What's that?
Mark: What, this?
Scott: Yeah.
Mark: The cigarette?
Scott: Yeah. The cigarette.
Mark: What about it?
Scott: You're not allowed to smoke in the subway.
Mark: It's not lit. I'm not smoking.
Scott: Take it out of your mouth.
Mark: Tony! I'm not smoking. It's not lit.
Scott: Take it out of your mouth.
Mark: I'm not. . . Forget it. No way.
Scott: Take it out of your mouth.
Mark: Tony, look, forget it.
Scott: What, you're not gonna take it out of your mouth?
Mark: Tony, look, look--mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm. See, no smoke. It's not lit. All right? I'm not smokin'.
[Scott takes the cigarette out of Mark's mouth and tosses it away.]
Mark: Hey! What'd you do that for?!
Scott: You're not allowed to smoke in the subway.
Mark: Tony, I wasn't for Christ's sake!!
Scott: Go pick it up.
Mark: What?!
Scott: Go pick it up.
Mark: You threw it out of my mouth, man.
Scott: You're not allowed to litter on the subway.
Mark: What's up your ass? What's gotten into you?
Scott: You're up my ass. You gonna pick it up?
Mark: Nooo.
[Scott slaps him.]
Mark: Are you nuts?
Scott: Are ya gonna pick it up?
Mark: Up yours.
[Scott slaps him again.]
Mark: Look Tony, stop it, okay?
Scott: Or what?
Mark: Nothin'.
[Scott slaps him again.]
Mark: Tony. I'm ordering you.
Scott: Or what?
Mark: [about to slap him, but refrains] Just nothin', okay?
[Scott slaps him again; Mark slaps Scott back.]
Mark: Tony.
Scott: Oooh-oo-ooh-hoo.
Mark: C'mon man you made me.
[They alternately slap each other...]
Mark: Will ya. . .stop it. . .c'mon man what are you doin' this for!?. . .What?. . .Tony, stop it, c'mon man what are you doing' this for?!. . .what is wrong with. . .
[Scott takes Mark in a headlock.]
Scott: Ah ah ah. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey--tiger. Calm down. I'd never hurt you, ya jerk. Maybe next time you'll listen to me, right?
Mark: You're crazy, you know that Tony?
Scott: Yeah. Go pick it up.
Mark: Tsss. Alright, yeah. [dances over to it] Yeah, yeah. I'm pickin' it up, look, ya happy now?
Scott: Delirious. Give it here.
[Mark is hesitant]
Scott: Give me the smoke. Jus' for a second.
[Scott puts it in his mouth and lights it.]
Mark: Tony, what are you doing? Tony--Tony, that's my last cigarette! Don't do that to me, Tony. Tony, you hypocrite. You--
Scott: Never said I wasn't.
Mark: Yeah. Well, give me the cigarette. [approaches Scott] C'mon Tony, don't--give me the cigarette, will ya?
[Scene ends with Mark trying to get the cigarette from Scott, from behind, and Scott easily holding him off.]