Transcribed from: Comedy CentralDave: We're closed.
Transcribed by: I Hecubus@aol.com
Scott: Hello? I want you to tell me where a shoe store is because I want to look for a pair of shoes and buy 'em.
Dave: I'm sorry. I'd love to be of assistance to you but I'm afraid I speak no English.
Dave: Ah. I see by the expression on your face that you are confused by my statement. Perhaps you doubt its veracity, but let me assure you, I speak not a word of English.
Scott: What are you talking about, huh?
Dave: You see, everything that I am saying to you I have learned to speak phonetically. As to the meanings of the individual words or the percumbant rules of syntax, I haven't a clue.
Scott: Why don't you just shut up and tell me where the shoe store is, you jerk?
Dave: Allow me to reiterate, I speak no English. Perhaps this will wash the confusion from your face, my friend. My apparent fluency is the result of constant repetition. As you can imagine, I have been through this speech many times before, in fact ,I could repeat it for you in any one of seven different languages. Yet oddly enough , I've never learned to speak it in my own, which is fine since over the years I have forgotten how to speak my own language.
Scott: Just shut up and tell me where the show store is, huh?
Dave: Thank you, would you like to fight me now or are you a coward?
[Scott punches Dave in the stomach.]
Scott: Don't die.
Dave: I don't know what you're saying.
Scott: I just wanted to buy a pair of shoes, huh?
Dave: No habla espanol, senor.
Scott: Just got feet, don't got shoes.
Dave: Nein sprechen sie deutsch.