Transcribed from: Comedy CentralCast:
Transcribed by: Tlyco@aol.com
[Bruce is sitting on the couch reading Elle; Mark comes from the hallway with a box of things.]
- Mark- Jeremy
- Bruce- Woman
Mark: Well, uh, I think that's all my stuff, but if you do find my sofa-bed I'd appreciate it if you let me know.
Bruce: It just disappeared.
Bruce: Isn't it great to be single again?
Mark: Oh yeah, I feel, uh, good about breaking up. Do you feel good about it?
Bruce: I feel great about it.
Mark: Good! Good. Yeah, I think it's smart we, uh, never did anything stupid like get married, you know?
Bruce: [half-heartedly laughing] Yeah. Because then we would have done something stupid like have children.
Mark: [laughing] Yeah, what a disaster that would have been.
Bruce: [laughing] Yeah, you--a father.
Mark: So, uh, are you, uh, still planning on having kids one day?
Bruce: Oh, I'm sure I'll have a family one day when I meet a mature partner, yeah.
Mark: Well, you better hurry up.
Bruce: [pauses] I'm only 29.
Mark: Yeah, I know. I know. Still--tick, tick, tick.
[Mark is starting to leave.]
Bruce: I was just thinking of something kind of interesting. Isn't it interesting to think you'll never have this again, that you won't be ever. . .to make love to this again? That you had it for the last time? [giggling] You can look, but that's it. I just thought that was kind of interesting.
Mark: I don't find that that interesting, no.
Bruce: Still--going going gone, history, bye.
Mark: Yeah. . .yeah, well I should go 'cuz I'm giving golf lessons tonight to a singles group called "Pit of Women." So, you know, I better be off. Wish me luck.
[Mark is about out the door.]
Bruce: I bet I get laid before you do.
[Mark comes back.]
Mark: Oh really? I bet you don't.
Bruce: Well, I beg to differ.
Mark: Well, you're free to differ all you want but I'd be surprised if I didn't get laid three times this week. Now that I come to think of it, at least three times.
Bruce: I bet I get laid twice in the next six hours.
Mark: Well, sounds like the race is on.
Bruce: Yeah, I guess it is. Get on your Mark, get set, go. Bye, stud. [giggling]
[Mark is about gone again, but turns back.]
Mark: Wait wait, I almost forgot. I want to send you an artist's rendering of me satisfying women of all types. Where should I send that? Should I send that here? Or to your office?
[Bruce is walking away from Mark.]
Bruce: Um, why don't you send that to your best friend's house where I'll be up on top of him.
Mark: [shocked, pauses] Are you saying that just to make me angry?
Bruce: [giggling] No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. [seriously] I'm not.
Mark: Okay, I should leave anyway because I'm starting to get angry and I don't know why. Okay, bye.
Bruce: [sweetly] Oh Jeremy. This is silly. C'mon, give me a goodbye-hug.
[Mark is surprised.]
Bruce: C'mon. C'mon.
[Mark drops the box. They hug.]
Mark: All right. Thanks for a great relationship.
Bruce: Thank you.
[Bruce grabs Mark's ass, and they do a bit more than hugging.]
Bruce: Penny for your thoughts.
Bruce: Well, it's gotta be quick 'cuz I've got some calls to make.
Mark: Me too!