Liposuction

Obtained from: Kids in the Hall FAQ
Transcribed by: Tom Walsh
Cast: Scott: I love this cake, my darling.

Bruce: I know. It's 3 layers; it tastes like 4.

Scott: Oh, you know what? That cake is just like you. You've 2 layers and you taste like 5.

Bruce: You're 7 and you seem like 11.

Scott: Oh, I love you.

Bruce: Oh, this is going to be the best anniversary ever

Scott: Oh, give me a kiss. [Kisses her hand.]

[Kevin and Dave enter.]

Kevin: I couldn't help but overhear that this is your anniversary. A beautiful flower for a beautiful lady. [Hands her a rose.]

Bruce: Oh, that's so nice.

Kevin: I have a song. It's very personal and close to me and I would like to share it with you at this special moment. May I be permitted to sing it for you?

Bruce: That would be just wonderful.

Kevin: Maybe one day, this will happen to you. Rolando?

Kevin and Dave: It's important to me That the both of you see The process of Liposuction

[couple looks uncomfortable]

[Cut to: Surgeon holds up photo of marked body]

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction Liposuction Here's how you begin Make a cut in the skin

[Cut to: surgeon holds up another photo]

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction An incision the size of a dime How you doing? I'm doing fine Then you insert the hose Suck out human fat globules

[Cut to: another photo]

Kevin and Dave: That's liposuction If you're over 300 pounds And you're hiding it under big gowns What do you do? [to Scott]

Scott: Liposuction.

Kevin and Dave: What is that? [to Bruce]

Bruce: Fat reduction.

Kevin and Dave: But you better stop sucking soon Before you're sucked down to the size of a prune

[Cut to Mark: another photo]

Mark: Prune ...

[Cut back.]

Kevin: Here's your complementary bag of fat Brought to you by...

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction

Kevin: Be a pig

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction

Kevin: Crush your lover

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction

Kevin: Look at me [shows liposuction scars]

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction

Kevin: Be a pig

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction

Kevin: Crush your lover

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction

Kevin: Look at me [shows liposuction scars]

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction

[Scott and Bruce rise and leave]

Kevin and Dave: What do you do?
Liposuction
What is that?
It's fat reduction
What do you do?
Liposuction
What is that?
It's fat reduction
What do you do?
Liposuck!


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video