Liposuction

Obtained from: Kids in the Hall FAQ
Transcribed by: Tom Walsh

Cast:

• Scott-- Husband
• Bruce-- Bruce
• Kevin-- Singer 1
• Dave-- Singer 2
• Mark-- Surgeon

Scott: I love this cake, my darling.

Bruce: I know. It's 3 layers; it tastes like 4.

Scott: Oh, you know what? That cake is just like you. You've 2 layers and you taste like 5.

Bruce: You're 7 and you seem like 11.

Scott: Oh, I love you.

Bruce: Oh, this is going to be the best anniversary ever

Scott: Oh, give me a kiss. [Kisses her hand.]

[Kevin and Dave enter.]

Kevin: I couldn't help but overhear that this is your anniversary. A beautiful flower for a beautiful lady. [Hands her a rose.]

Bruce: Oh, that's so nice.

Kevin: I have a song. It's very personal and close to me and I would like to share it with you at this special moment. May I be permitted to sing it for you?

Bruce: That would be just wonderful.

Kevin: Maybe one day, this will happen to you. Rolando?

Kevin and Dave: It's important to me That the both of you see The process of Liposuction

[couple looks uncomfortable]

[Cut to: Surgeon holds up photo of marked body]

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction Liposuction Here's how you begin Make a cut in the skin

[Cut to: surgeon holds up another photo]

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction An incision the size of a dime How you doing? I'm doing fine Then you insert the hose Suck out human fat globules

[Cut to: another photo]

Kevin and Dave: That's liposuction If you're over 300 pounds And you're hiding it under big gowns What do you do? [to Scott]

Scott: Liposuction.

Kevin and Dave: What is that? [to Bruce]

Bruce: Fat reduction.

Kevin and Dave: But you better stop sucking soon Before you're sucked down to the size of a prune

[Cut to Mark: another photo]

Mark: Prune ...

[Cut back.]

Kevin: Here's your complementary bag of fat Brought to you by...

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction

Kevin: Be a pig

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction

Kevin: Crush your lover

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction

Kevin: Look at me [shows liposuction scars]

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction

Kevin: Be a pig

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction

Kevin: Crush your lover

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction

Kevin: Look at me [shows liposuction scars]

Kevin and Dave: Liposuction

[Scott and Bruce rise and leave]

Kevin and Dave: What do you do?
Liposuction
What is that?
It's fat reduction
What do you do?
Liposuction
What is that?
It's fat reduction
What do you do?
Liposuck!