Grocery Store Line-Up

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Tor Harbin
Cast: [Setting: a grocery store line]

[Dave is checking the items of a woman.]

Dave: 90 cents...95 cents.

[As this happens, the camera moves to the back of the line where Kevin is standing impatiently, folding his arms and such. Dave seems to then have a problem with some celery; the scanner won't pick it up.]

Dave: There's no price on this. [picks up speaker phone] Could I get a price check on the celery?

[Kevin turns quite fidgety; he checks his watch, jumps up and down, slaps his arms on his sides and paces up and down the line twice.]

Dave: OK. $1.25.

[Kevin then snaps; he yells and shakes on a shelf of bags of potato chips and cheese puffs until it is empty.]

Dave: [somewhat whiny] Sir, sir? You can go ahead if nobody minds. Does anybody mind?

[The people shake their heads. Kevin, looking confident, strolls to the front of the line. This is followed by a long pause.]

Dave: So, where's your stuff?

[It dawns on Kevin that he not only didn't he have any stuff, but he doesn't have any money, which he shows by turning out his pockets. He shrugs abashedly and runs out of the store in an unusual way. Mark, holding a big bag of popcorn, gives chase and stops at the store entrance.]

Mark: [about to cry] Now he'll never know how much I love him! [singing] Oh, why, tell me, why, tell me, why, tell me, why, tell me, why...!

[When Mark hits the last "why", the camera starts on the braces and moves far back, and all the while, Mark is holding that final note.]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video