Transcribed from: Comedy CentralCast:
Transcribed by: Marie (Ree) Panepinto[Outside a graffiti-stained building. Bruce is hanging out with three other guys]
- Mark- Headcrusher
- Kevin- Orderly
- Scott- Nurse Unloop
- Bruce- Thug
- Three Other Thugs
Bruce: So I didn't like the record he's playing, right? So what am I gonna do, but Sock him! So I sock him and he's giving me that look, so I rocked him one, and then I rocked him again...
Mark: [Heard offscreen] OK boys, summer's over, time to punch in! I'm crushing your head, I'm cruching your head! I'm cruching *your* head. Crush, crush.
[Thug dude notices that his head is being crushed.]
Thug: Hey! What are you looking at?
Bruce: Yeah...
[The four thugs come over and Mark keeps crushing very apathetically. The thug grabs Mark's hand.]
Thug: What's that you said about my head?
Mark: [scared] I said it was flat.
Another Thug: What did you mean by that?
Mark: Nothing...
Thug: You're a menace.
[The thugs start laughing as does Mark, although nervously. Then the thug snaps Mark's hand back and a crack is heard.]
[Mark screams and the thugs find this very amusing.]
[A hospital. Violin music and crying is heard. Kevin wheels Mark around the corner in a wheel chair. Mark has a cast to the shoulder and two braces on his crushing fingers.]
[Kevin is mumbling stuff to keep Mark quiet.]
Mark: I'll never crush again...
Kevin: I'm serious stop crying.
Mark: I want more dimedab.
Kevin: You mean Demerol?
Mark: Yes...
Kevin: You say dimedab again I'll hit you.
Mark: Take me to the morgue I'm useless. You hate me!
[Kevin wheels Mark into a hospital where Scott is sitting at a desk waiting for him.]
Scott: Thank you orderly, that will be all.
[Kevin leaves.]
Scott: I'm Miss Unloop. We'll be working together. And how are we today?
[Mark just cries louder.]
Scott: Mr. Tiscic, are we a little depressed?
Mark: Please...shoot me!
Scott: Oh no, Mr. Tiscic! We don't shoot people here. This is rehab.
Mark: It's hopeless.
Scott: [gets up] I'm wannna try something. Mr. Tiscic, I want you to repeat after me. You can do it!
Mark: *You* can do it.
Scott: No...*I* can do it.
Mark: I *can't* do it.
Scott: Drop the "T"; I can do it.
Mark: I can't do it.
Scott: No, drop the "T" I can do it.
Mark: I can't do it.
Scott: Drop the "T"; I can do it.
Mark: I cannnnnnn....
Scott: Drop the "T"
Mark: ...do it.
Scott: I can do it.
[Scott kicks the desk scaring the crap out of Mark.]
Scott: Let's do it!
[Sad violin music is heard. Mark's hands are wallking across a table, only they're limping. Then, they trip and fall over. Miss Unloop just shakes her head at him.]
[A big pile of rubber bands. Pan over to see Mark's hands with a little rubber band around them, struggling to stretch.]
[Mark's finger trying to Karate chop a pencil in half to no avail.]
[Mark's finger trying to dial a rotary phone, but then shakes and gives up.]
[Mark's hand at the edge of a tray full of ice and water. He "tests" the water.]
Scott: Into the pool.
Mark: No...
Scott: And into the pool.
Mark: No, it's too cold!
Scott: I want to show you something.
Mark: What?
[She slaps him. Mark's hand jumps right into the pool.]
Scott: Good! See, easy, wasn't it? And into the pool.
[Scott's hand goes in too.]
[Opera music starts playing, it gets more and more happy sounding at it goes on.]
[Mark's fingers with two rubber bands around them, having no problem stretching.]
[Mark's finger dialing a rotary phone with no problem.]
[Mark's finger karate chopping a pencil in half]
[Mark's fingers jumping hurdles and when he jumps the last one, they start flying. Scott folowes them with his/her eyes.]
[Mark is standing in front of Nurse Unloop's desk.]
Scott: Try.
[Mark slowly picks his hand up.]
Scott: Try.
[His hand is shaking. He starts mumbling.]
Scott: Do it!
[Mark crushes his head and then looks at his hands. They both start laughing for way too long. When the laughter dies down Mark kisses Scott.]
[Fade to the four thugs outside the same place. Western showdown music is playing. Mark gazes at them intently, getting his fingers ready.]
Mark: Hey tough guys! You three! Move away from him. I've no quarrel with you I just want to get even with the lanky yo-yo boy.
[Bruce and the other two thugs step back.]
Mark: [laughs] I'm crushing your head! I'm cruching your head! I'm cruching your head! You're a flathead! [Lifts up his fingers and blows them.]
[Mark picks up his lawn chair and kinda saunters off...although it looks like he's wiggling.]
Thug: That's him again!
[Mark walks faster.]
Thug: Let's get him. Stop him!
[Mark drops his chair and starts running. The thugs run after him.]