Headcrusher vs. Facepincher

Transcribed from: "Best Of" Video
Transcribed by: Cancergir1@aol.com
Cast: Mark: Ah. What's this? A priest! Ahh… Deity or deities! Forgive this abuse of your earthbound ambassador, but my calling is very specific. I'm crushing your head! I'm crushing your head, I'm crushing your head. Oh…ah…Hey, happy couples, how- wait a minute, that head, it's already been crushed!!

Kevin: I'm pinching your face! I'm pinching your face! Okay citizens! C'mon! I'm going to pinch your faces! Periscope down! I'm pinch-

Mark: Excuse me. What the hell do you think you're doing?!

Kevin: I'm pinching faces!!

Mark: Pinching faces?

Kevin: Yes, it's a wonderful thing in which, yes, yes, I invented!! Thank you, thank you. What you do, is you put your thumb here, your finger there, you get the person in the middle, you get your target in the middle-

Mark: I know what you're doing! You amateur!! You're doing it on my turf! Would you please leave?!

Kevin: Your turf!!

Mark: Let go! Yes, my turf, now beat it!

Kevin: I'm not going nowhere!!

Mark: Haha! Moron! Moron! 'Not going nowhere' is a double negative which means you're going somewhere!! Ha! So, why don't you get lost, huh!? Come on! You wanna go? You wanna? Huh? You wanna?

Kevin: Okay! Let's- let's go for it!

Mark: I'll crush your head!

Kevin: I'm pinching your face!

Mark: (gasp)

Kevin: Hey, I'm over here!! I'm pinching your- whooohoo! Missed! Missed! Missed again! Whoa!

Mark: Oh! I have fallen!

Kevin: I got you now!

Mark: (squeal) Aaaaahaghgghghaaa!! [Mark pries open Kevin's fingers from a distance by aligning his hands.]

Kevin: Aaah! Please don't, no, please!! Ahhh!

Mark: Never mess with a pro, buddy! (kicks chair) Outta here!

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video