A Relaxing Trip to the Farm

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Laura Cihocki
Cast- [A woman walks into a conference room where a tableful of businessmen are arguing loudly. In the confused shouting, we hear, "No, no, no, no, no! You're wrong! Wrong, wrong...negative...negative..wrong, wrong! Right, right...positive...positive...Goddammit! Goddammit! Shut up! You shut up! Listen to me! No, you listen to me!"]

Scott: No, you're wrong. All of you are wrong. Every one of you is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Kevin: [standing up] No, we're all right! We're all right, except for him! And him! And him!

Dave: [standing] Dear God in heaven, gentlemen! What is it like to be so wrong? What does it feel like to wake up in the morning, knowing...

[The arguing fades out as Mark appears in closeup, smiling.] Mark: You know, whenever things get too hectic at work, I like to relax with...a trip to the farm!

[A screen draws aside behind Mark to reveal a barnyard scene, which he skips into.]

Mark: Wow, what a wonderful farm! I feel better already! Hey, notice that sky? And wow, look at all the animals! Like a sheep...and a chicken...and a dog! Aren't they great? Well, time to get to work!

[Mark spits on his hands, picks up a mallet, and hits something a couple of times. He then holds his back and wipes his forehead. Bruce enters.]

Bruce: Boy, you sure worked up an appetite! How about some farm-fresh food?

Mark: You mean things like eggs, and milk, and apples from your own tree?

Bruce: Yes.

Mark: Uh-huh...[he finishes an apple and tosses away the core]...Well, that was great. But I've got to be going now.

Bruce: Here, take this chicken. [He hands Mark a chicken in a cage.] Mark: Wow! A chicken, thank you. Good-bye.

Bruce: Bye.

Mark: Gee, I can hardly wait to tell my colleagues about my trip to the farm.

[Cut back to the conference room, where Mark now has the chicken in front of him, in its cage.]

Scott: Wrong! Wrong! You're wrong! And you [to the chicken]--you are WAY off-base!

Kevin: No, YOU'RE wrong! You are totally wrong!

[Scene fades out as arguing continues.]


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video