The Chase

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Marie (Ree) Panepinto
Cast: [In a restaurant. Waitress comes and brings the cops their food.]

Bruce: I'll just tape it and then watch it later.

Mark: Yeah.

Bruce: That's what I always do.

Mark: Well, you gotta find the time.

Bruce: Thank you very much.

Mark: [Looks ahead to his right, behind Bruce] Hey those guys...match the description of those excaped convicts.

Bruce: [Looking too] Yeah, I think you might be right.

[The convicts are still in jail clothes. Dave notices that they've been....noticed.]

Dave: Hey, I think those cops caught on to us.

Scott: Yeah, let's move it.

Dave: Yeah.

[The convicts start scrambling to eat their food quickly.]

[These next shots go very quickly.]

[Mark takes the bun off his burger to see pickles and tomatoes.]

Mark: Damn!

[Mark starts to take it off.]

[Bruce, Scott, and Kevin take big bites out of thier burgers.]

[Bruce struggles to swallow.]

[Mark finally begins eating his burger.]

[The convicts and the cops make eye contact and both go quicker.]

[Scott hits himself in the head.]

[Bruce starts to eat his fries, but he must first dip them in ketchup.]

[Scott dumps his fries all onto another plate and attempts to almost drink them.]

[Dave eats his with a fork.]

[Scott shoves like ten in his mouth at the same time.]

[All struggle to swallow jsut before taking their last sip of soda/coffee.]

[Scott takes a deep breath.]

Mark: Check!

[The waitress walks between the two tables and Dave raises his hand for the check. She looks back and forth between the two tables, torn.]

Bruce: Could we get the check please?

[She gives it to the convicts first, who dig into their pockets for money, throw it on the table and run out.]

Bruce: How much do I owe?

Mark: We don't have time. Look, I'll pay this and you could owe me.

Bruce: That's not fair, you got lunch yesterday.

Mark: Damn, That's right. OK, you get this and we'll call it even.

Bruce: Fair enough. [Throws money on table.] Let's move out.

[The convicts scramble to get into their car.]

[The cops scramble to get in theirs.]

[Both cars peel out, but turn back around and stop at the gas station.]

[Mark and Scott pump gas and then run in to pay.]

[Scott dumps the money on the table and waits for the old guy to VERY SLOWLY count change. He gets his change and runs out. Mark throws money on the table.]

Mark: Keep it!

[Both run back to their cars and start driving, the convicts ahead. Suddenly the convicts stop, the cops right behind them.]

Mark: Damn! Well, it's up to the feds now.

[The convicts' car is on the other side of a line, clearly marked by a sign to be "The Border."]


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video