Transcribed from: Comedy CentralCast-
Transcribed by: Laura Cihocki
[In the offices of AT&Love, Scott and Bruce sit watching the clock.]
- Scott- Cathy
- Bruce- Kathie
- Mark- Tanya
- Man- Gilbert
- Woman- bartender
Scott and Bruce: Five...four...three...two...one...the weekend! Yay!
Bruce: I thought it would never come!
Scott: Oh, god, me too! [to her computer] Off you go!
Bruce: So, Cath, what are you doing this weekend?
Scott: What am I doing...do do do...what am I doing? Well, I don't have anything planned as such...
Scott: What are you doing, Kath?
Bruce: Well, I'm going to go to one of those popular movies with Jill, Betty, and Beth...
Bruce: Then, afterwards, go three ways on a large pizza...
Bruce: ...and maybe watch a couple of hours of TV.
Scott: Oh, great!
Bruce: You want to come?
Scott: Uh, no, um...I've seen everything.
Bruce: Yeah...Cath, I really wish we did more, you know?
Bruce: Used our free time better, planned more things to do.
Bruce: Sometimes it feels like our lives are passing us by, and we're not even in them!
Bruce: Yeah...so do you want to come?
Scott: Oh, no, thanks, I'm in my own groove...
Bruce: All right.
Scott: ...you know? Okay!
Bruce: Well, whatever you do, have a good weekend! [Laughs.]
Scott: Have a good one!
[Scott strolls down a street at night and chooses Love Boat Disco from several bars. He goes downstairs, looks around. Everyone there is African-American.]
Scott: [getting out of someone's way] Oh, I'm sorry! [He goes up to the bar.] Hi!
Woman: Hi, what can I get you?
Scott: I'd like a triple zombie, please.
Woman: Triple zombie? Are you sure?
[Scott turns away from the bar, sipping an enormous drink from a pitcher. He watches the dancers, then looks over to see a table of men, including Gilbert, looking at him and grinning. Gilbert winks, then gets up and approaches.]
Man: Uh, would you like to dance?
Scott: Sure! [He leaves his pitcher on the bar and they slowdance.]
Man: My name's Gilbert, what's yours?
Scott: I'm Cathy.
Man: Hello, Cathy. What do you do?
Scott: I'm a secretary...does that scare you?
Man: No, I work in a bank. [They laugh. Gilbert touches Scott's face.]
Scott: Oh! [nervously] I'm from Kitchener. I-I-I-I....I don't usually do this. [Gilbert undoes some of Scott's blouse buttons.] I was raised a Mennonite.
[A fast song begins and they dance faster. Cut to them sitting at Gilbert's table, with his friends. Scott is laughing.]
Scott: Oh, I'm so pooped! I haven't danced like that in...well, never! Oh, none of the guys that I go out with like to dance.
Man: Maybe you're going out with the wrong guys.
Scott: Oh...you are so gorgeous. You guys are so sweet. I love this place, I'm having a great time! But I'm really drunk. You know how I know? I feel skinny!
[The guys laugh.]
Man: You like to dance!
Scott: Oh, I love it! I took Highland dance when I was young.
Guy At Table: Let's dance!
Scott: Let's go!
[They all dance some ridiculous dances, including Irish step dance. Fade out and cut to Scott rolling off Gilbert.]
[Gilbert lights two cigarettes and hands one to Scott.]
Scott: Thanks...I don't smoke, but thanks. I feel like a Benetton ad...your skin makes me look lighter, and I make you look darker.
Man: Color doesn't matter; we're all pink inside.
[Heart-shaped window-out on Scott and Gilbert kissing. Cut back to AT&Love offices. Bruce is at his desk when Scott comes in.]
Scott: Morning, Kathie!
Bruce: Good morning, Cath! You look great!
Scott: Thank you!
Bruce: How was your weekend?
Scott: Oh, it was excellent! Kathie, I finally met someone who loves to dance and isn't gay.
Bruce: Oh, great!
Scott: [looking around] But he's black. Do you think it'll cause a scandal?
Scott: No? Why not?
Bruce: Because this weekend, something even more scandalous happened!
Scott: Oh, what is it? Spill it!
Bruce: Thirty dollars' worth of coffee money is missing!
Scott: Oh, my god! Any suspects?
Bruce: Only hundreds!
Scott: Oh, geez, you are Nancy Drew!
[Mark enters, wearing an awful hat.]
Mark: Good morning!
Mark: Oh, do you like my new hat? Bought it on the weekend, thirty bucks.
Mark: Well, back to work! Mondays, huh?
Scott: Yeah, Mondays.
[Mark walks away.]
Scott and Bruce: Temp thief!