Transcribed from: Comedy Central[Dave sits at a piano in a tuxedo, against a black backdrop. He plays the piano as he sings, but both his playing and his singing are horrible.]
Transcribed by: M. Howie
Dave: [singing] I don't know how to play the piano,
I never took the time to learn,
Songwriting's not my forte,
And rhyming's harder than it sounds, say!
[Dave attempts to play a dramatic introduction. Kevin, in a long red sequined dress and black combat boots, dashes in from the right and jumps on top of the piano, sliding across it so he almost falls off into Dave's lap. He squirms around trying to get comfortable lying across the piano, as he sings horribly off-key. Dave punctuates each line with a jumble of notes on the piano.]
Kevin: [singing] I can't believe they're letting me sing here,
In me no musical talent can be found,
I look pretty awful in this gown, dear,
And my legs aren't structurally sound.
[Dave plays a few more flourishes on the piano, as Kevin slides his belly on the piano towards the camera and back and repeats this move until the "music" ends. When it does, they both look toward the audience.]