The Affair

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Kay Flores
[Shows the mouths of men and women laughing, some with smoke coming out of their mouths, the camera cuts to Bruce and Kevin, who are husband and wife talking about rearranging their furniture, on the screen in big white letters are the words THE AFFAIR.]

Kevin: Yeah, free chairs, we should put the sofa against the wall, and those boots. And lamp space. That lamp space is the whole key to everything you know?

[While Kevin is talking, Bruce stares at a women while Scott, a waiter looks on to Bruce to see what he's up to.]

Bruce: Excuse me hon, I gotta go freshen some hors douvres.

[Bruce walks up to the woman with an hors douvre in his hands. The woman is also holding an hors douvre in her hand.]

Bruce: Hi.

Woman: Hi.

[They both laugh and smile at eachother.]

Bruce: Hors douvres.

Woman: Yes, I love them as child...

Bruce: Me too... [looking at Kevin]

Bruce: We should meet for lunch some time.

Woman: Yeah, nothing wrong with that.

[Camera cuts to the both of them screwin- HARD, whew, after all of that, the camera shows Bruce posing in the mirror sucking his stomach in and trying to look all macho, and in turn, the camera shows the woman looking all pretty and stuff.]

[The same people are at the party again the nexy day, and Mark, who is dressed as Darrill, walks up to them.]

Mark: Hey you guys, Id like you to meet someone.

[All three of them, Kevin, Bruce, and Mark, walk towards the woman that Bruce had screwed the other night.]

Mark: This is my wife Sandra, all my heaven and world. [Bruce, who is acting like nothing happened just smiles and looks at the floor.]

Bruce: Nice to meet ya maam.

Mark: Well, go on Sandra, he doesn't bite.

[A flashback of the sex scene where Bruce is woldly biting the woman.]

[Meanwhile, Scott, who is still a waiter, comes up with a plate of hors douvres.]

Scott: Hors douvre?

Bruce: No thanks, we don't need food, I already ate lunch alone in my ofice.

[Sandra, the woman that Bruce screwed, bites her lip and shifts around nervously, Mark looks at her, and laughs.]

Mark: You're acting like you're having an affair.

[Another flashback of the sex scene where it shows them humping eachother in 'point black view' and screaming widly.]

[They all laugh like it was something so hilarious to Mark's last line.]

Mark: We don't usually laugh this much, Sandra sure has been shaving her legs a lot.

[The next scene shows Bruce and Sandra talking on two lines...]

Woman: We're involved in crazinees, your wife, my husband, I think he knows, we've got to talk.

[Both of them hang up the phone, the next scene shows the both of them screwing AGAIN, and screaming really loudly.]

[Next, it shows the both of them on the phone again.]

Bruce: We forgot to talk.

Woman: Yeah...


Woman: Listen what are we doing? You're married, this is crazy, we're involved with craziness-

Bruce: Your husband-

Woman: Your wife-

Bruce: You're right I think they know.

Woman: Well, bye.

Bruce: Bye.

[Well, this time it shows them posing again except they don't seem to be in the right mood. Bruce isn't sucking his stomach in, but instead he is blowing it out, and the woman is squeezing some skin and fat from her stomach in between her fingers, Mark comes in then and pats the flab with the back of his hand.]

Mark: I love it.

[Mark starts posing trying to look like Bruce did, all macho and manly, and in big white letters on the screen it shows THE AFFAIR.]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video