Annoying Forgetful Guy

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Renee Messick
Cast- [Setting: Inside of Diner. Bruce sits at a round table. Dave enters.]

Dave: Hey Ken, How are you doing? [Dave Sits]

Bruce: Roy! What brings you to this neck of the woods?

Dave: You invited me.

Bruce: Oh.

[Scott enters and sets mug of coffee on the table in front of Bruce.]

Scott: Here you go.

Bruce: What's this?

Scott: Coffee.

Bruce: Great! I was just thinking about how much I would love a cup of coffee. Thank whoever sent it to me. Thank you Thank you!

Scott: Uh, you ordered it sir. I assume you are paying for it.

Dave: I'm just going to have a soda.

Bruce: And I would love a cup of coffee.

Scott: Another one?

Bruce: Heh whatever makes you happy.

[Scott shrugs and walks away.]

Bruce: Duh. So Roy, what's new?

Dave: [excited] Well I just heard the wildest story...

Bruce: [interrupting] Great! What else is happening?

Dave: [baffled] Don't you want to hear my story?

Bruce: 'Course; I love stories.

Dave: Okay, so there's a guy right.

Bruce: Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Ok uh, got it.

Dave: Ok so there's a guy.

Bruce: Ok hold it. This guy you just mentioned. Is it the same guy as before or a new guy?

Dave: Same guy. Same guy.

Bruce: Ok hold it. This guy we've been talking about, Does this gentleman have a name?

Dave: Yes.

Bruce: [rubs his hands together] All right, now we're cooking with gas, Roy.

Dave: So Tony--

Bruce: You lost me.

Dave: What? Oh that's the guy's name. Tony.

Bruce: [blank pause] Got it.

Dave: Ok so, uh, uh so Tony has this girlfriend named Betty and the two of--

Bruce: Stop, hold it, desist, hold it. Is this a story about Tony or Betty?

Dave: Both of them are in the story. So--

Bruce: Well previously you said this was a story about Tony.

Dave: Its a story about--There's two people in the story. What's so hard about that?

Bruce: Well it's getting all crazy now.

Dave: No it's not getting crazy it's just two people in a story! Tony and Betty are in the story, ok?

Bruce: Well you know what? It sounds like you're making it up.

Dave: I haven't said anything!

Bruce: Wow! Look at this [begins drinking his coffee]

Dave: Well, there's a guy--

Bruce: And he sent me coffee? How gracious! Thank you Thank you [to the room]

Dave: No no in the story. There's a guy in the story. You can understand that can't you?

Bruce: Yeeess.

Dave: Great, okay, so there's a guy.

Bruce: You lost me.

Dave: [Yelling] There's a guy!

Bruce: Obviously.

Dave: Named Tony.

Bruce: Mmm hmm.

Dave: And his girlfriend's name...

Together: --is Betty.

Dave: All right okay and so the two of them are--

Bruce: Ok hold it. I'm going to stop you here.

Dave: [At the same time as Bruce says the above; in a whiny tone] Why are you going to stop me?

Bruce: I'm going to tell you something and I don't want you to take it personally but you aren't a very good storyteller are you?

Dave: [Angry, and yelling] I haven't even gotten to the story yet!

Bruce: What does that tell you about the way things are going?

[Scott re-enters and places Dave's soda and Bruce's new coffee on the table.]

Scott: There you are.

Bruce: Excuse me, what is this?

Scott: It's coffee.

Bruce: I'm going to tell you something and I don't want you taking it personally but you aren't a very good waiter are you?

[Scott growls and walks away.]

Bruce: Well there he goes. You know I heard the greatest story.

Dave: [angry still] Oh?

Bruce: There's this guy named Tony.

Dave: Uh-huh.

Bruce: And he's got this girlfriend named Betty.

Dave: Yeah.

Bruce: And they're naked.

Dave: [faking interest] Wow.

Bruce: Crazy world eh?

Dave: Yeah crazy world.

Bruce: Hey you brought this table with you? Fits in your car eh?

Dave: Yeah.

Bruce: I was in a restaurant once that had a table just like this...

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video