Arrogant Boss

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Devri Richmond
Cast: [Nice office. Dave is standing in front of his balcony door. Kevin comes in. Dave points at a nice chair without turning.]

Dave: Have a seat in the $2400 leather chair nearest the priceless vase, whatever.

[Dave turns. Kevin sits. Dave has a remote, he strikes a pose, and presses a button. Conga music comes on. Dave starts dancing behind Kevin.]

Dave: Were you aware that the Walston Watch Company makes enough money one year to buy the entire country of...whatever?

[He presses another button. The music stops. Dave walks back to his desk.]

Kevin: Well, sir, I'd like to help you make even more money.

Dave: Of course you would, of course you would.

[Dave sits.]

Dave: So shoot. Actually, could you hold on just one second, I find it so hard to get comfortable-

[Dave is fidgeting, pulls stuffed wallet out of pocket, sets on desk.]

Dave: With this big fat wallet so full of money and credit cards, whatever.

[Intercom buzzes. Dave presses button.]

Secretary on intercom: Excuse me, sir, your beautiful and intelligent wife is on the phone.

Dave: Oh. [Picks up phone.] Hello. Uh- huh. Well why don't you take the blue Porsche, well then take the red Porte. Well what are you wearing? Well then I suggest you take the BMW. [Starts to put phone down as he's still talking to her.] Do you love me, uh-huh, whatever. [ Hangs up.] So go on, you had- a thought?

Kevin: Here's my idea, it's a holiday gift slogan-

[Dave turns in chair and opens cabinet to reveal shelves of trophies.]

Dave: Can I draw your attention to these sporting trophies. Most valuable player in football, basketball, hockey, whatever. [Turns back to Kevin.] Go on.

Kevin: We present the idea that time is very important to every-

[Dave gets up, walks to mirror.]

Kevin: -Person's life, and the final slogan we leave them with is 'there's no present like the time.'

Dave: Great, tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna take your lousy idea, make it better, make you look better, make this company a whole lot more money than it ever thought was possible, whatever. So is that everything?

[Dave has walked around, touching Kevin's shoulder and has gone back to desk to sit down.]

Kevin: Yes, sir, I suppose-

Dave: Great, so I'm just gonna step outside and see if I can't fly or whatever.

[Dave goes out to balcony, steps onto a chair, a table, the railing, and jumps over the side. Kevin runs out to the balcony.]

Dave: Oh, my, seem to have finally over- reached myself. Look out below! Whatever.

[There's a thud, sound of traffic. Kevin goes back into the office, takes wallet, and runs out.]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video