Dave: On the Subject of Me

Obtained from: Kids in the Hall FAQ
Transcribed by: Tom Walsh
Narrator: On the Subject of Me

Dave: At the age of 10, I became convinced that I was the lead soprano for the New York Metropolitan Opera. Nothing could dissuade me. Until the Times tore me to shreds.

[Video: Milking cow and whitewashing fence]

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Narrator: On the Subject of Me

Dave: If I was stranded on a desert island, and I could only have one person, one book, and one record with me, I'd probably die of exposure.

[Video: Caricaturist draws Dave]

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Narrator: On the Subject of Me

Dave: For years, I've had this reoccuring dream in which I have a mustache. I know it doesn't sound so bad, but, I swear, I'm afraid to go to sleep.

[Video: Checking oil in car, wiping dipstick on hand]

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Narrator: On the Subject of Me

Dave: My spleen is twice the size of a normal human spleen. This isn't such a big deal right now, but after I'm dead, there's going to be a bidding war.

[Video: Overamorous Dave kissing girlfriend]

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Narrator: On the Subject of Me

Dave: I was a Caesarean birth because my mother always liked that hairstyle [Video: Feeding waterfowl loaves of bread]


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video