Transcribed from: Comedy CentralCast-
Transcribed by: Marie (Ree) Panepinto
[An office party. Mark taps Kevin on the shoulder and he turns around. Dave is standing behind them holding a wine glass.]
- Mark- Boss
- Dave- Leonard Frost
- Kevin- Tom
- Rob Gfroerer- Jenkins
- Various office people
Mark: Excuse me. Tom, I want you to meet a client of ours from the East coast. Tom, this is Leonard Frost.
Kevin: Hi Leonard. Pleased to meet you. [puts his hand out.]
Dave: [Shakes Kevin's hand] Pleasure's all mine. Heard a lot about you, Tom.
Kevin: Hopefully all good.
[They all have a good laugh.]
Mark: I knew you guys were gonna hit it off. [Indicates Dave's glass] Oh, let me freshen that up for you. By the way, Leonard's into cross country skiing as well.
Mark: Yeah. [He goes.]
Kevin: So you're into cross-country skiing too, huh?
[Dave just smiles and stares at him.]
Kevin: [a little taken aback] I haven't done much skiing this winter, but any chance I get I'm out there.
[Still no reaction from Dave.]
Kevin: [really paranoid now] So where do you normally ski?
[Mark comes back with a new wine glass for Dave.]
Mark: So how are you guys getting along?
Dave: Great! Tom here just opened up, told me he was a virgin until he was 26.
[Kevin gets a horrified look on his face.]
Mark: Wow. I gotta go think. [He leaves.]
Kevin: Well why did you tell him I said that?
[Dave just stares.]
Kevin: I never said that!
[No reaction from Dave]
Kevin: What the hell is wrong with you?
[Mark comes back.]
Mark: Tom, I've had some time to think and I want you to know: you're OK with me.
[Mark hugs Kevin.]
Dave: Oh! Then you'll be pleased to know that Tom just opened up and told me that he's a bed-wetter.
[Mark backs up, looks bck and forth between Kevin and his crotch and runs away.]
Kevin: Well that's not true, I never said that!
Mark: Excuse me everyone, I'd like to make an announcement. Tom here just opened up to me and told me that he's a bedwetter.
Mark: Yeah, I know. But I've had some time to think and I decided that we should give him our love and support. Come on, give it up.
[Mark starts applauding and the rest of the room follows.]
A Guy In The Back: Hey...I'm a betwetter too.
[Everyone else in the room minus Dave, Kevin and Mark raise their hands and announce "me too"]
[Mark walks back over to Dave and Kevin]
Mark: Wow, I guess it's true what they say. The whole sales department *are* bedwetters. Thanks for helping them admit it, Tom.
Kevin: [confused] Well.....I.....Thanks.
Dave: Oh! And Tom's a member of a Satanic cult and has participated in human sacrafices.
Kevin: [outraged] What?!
Mark: Oh. Well you know all the guys upstairs are into Satanism as well, don't you Tom?
[Mark opens up his jacket to reveal a pentagram inside.]
Kevin: Oh my....God...
Mark: Tom, why don't you join us at the country club this weekend.
[Mark hands Kevin a card.]
Kevin: The country club?
Mark: Yeah. We're gonna play a quick nine holes of golf and then we're gonna sacrifice Jenkins.
[They turn to Rob who smiles and waves.]
Mark: You know, I think you're on your way up, Tom.
Kevin: Look, I gotta admit at first I didn't know what you wree up to, but I guess I should thank you. [Puts his hand out] Thank you.
[Dave punches him in the stomach and leaves. Kevin involuntarily bends over.]
Kevin: Ooh! Why'd he hit me in the--hey 50 bucks!
[Kevin picks up the money.]
Kevin: Strange guy, but I like him.