Executives Spank Grandfathers

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Andrew Greenberg
Bruce: Gerald!

Mark: Gerald!

Bruce: Gerry!

Mark: Ger!

Bruce: Ggg!

[They laugh.]

Bruce: Listen, Gerald, I'm gonna put you on hold a minute to gain power.

[Pushes button, muzak plays.]

Bruce: Gerald, you old underwear stainer!

Mark: Gerald, you old bag of pucks! How are ya?

Bruce: Good, man. What can I do you for?

Mark: Well listen, I was just eyeballing this fax you sent over here and it occured to me that we could get a free meal out of this if we talked about it over dinner.

Bruce: Let me think about it.

[Pushes buttons and muzak plays.]

Bruce: Gerald?

Mark: Present.

Bruce: If you're talking about a couple of drinks, a couple of steaks and a couple of tax deductible receipts, then I'm in.

Mark: Great. Can you come now? I'm hungry.

Bruce: Jeez, I can't come right now. I'm sorta busy. I'm right in the midst of spanking my grandpa.

[We see Bruce doing exactly that.]

Mark: There's an idea. [to his intercom] Gwen, will you send in my grandpa?

Kevin (O.S.): Right away, sir.

Bruce: Am I to understand that your grandfather was a bad boy today?

Mark: Yes, Gerald, that's right. Well, first of all, he thought he could photocopy something by himself and then he got all tangled up in the cord and then he just wouldn't stop whistling. What about your granddad?

Bruce: Well, let's just say that a vacuum cleaner isn't a toy. Is it? [grandpa shakes head] No, it's not. So I'm gonna be about another hour or so.

Mark: Okay, you take the full hour and why don't you meet me in the deli where you met your wife?

Bruce: Ok. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Mark: And guess who's not coming because he was a bad boy. You, old timer.

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video