Bruce: As Larry's Mother

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by:
[Bruce is Larry's very happy, bubbly mother. He's wearing a bright dress, has a red beehive hairdo, glasses, and bright reddish lipstick.]

Bruce: [opens front door] Oh, you must be friends of Larry's. Don't stand out in the weather, come on in! [leads down hallway] Be careful on the rug; we're having problems with it. Not much really, just a house. Come on! [waving in..into kitchen]

Well, we all know why we're here. It's time to make...[clicks on radio, happy music plays throughout]...potato salad! Potato salad! [sing-songy:] First you take the eggs. Then you add the mayonnaise. Sugar to taste--a little won't kill ya. Then I stir it all up. Boy, I love my kitchen. . .especially in the day. [Daydreaming...wakes up] Well, back to work! [rising from behind them--] Potatoes! You know, I've made potato salad a thousand times and I've still got a lot to learn. [Daydreaming...wakes up] Well, back to work. [giggles] Mix mix, stir stir, him him, her her. How is Larry anyway? Oh, his marks. What to do, what to do.

[singy again:] Radishes and chives. Mix mix, stir stir, I married young, it's all a blur. I can still fit into my wedding dress though. [Quick cut, in dress, turning, showing it off.] See? Still fits. Not a lot of gals can say that. [Cutting to different poses in the dress, then cuts back to dress and apron.] Well, no rest for the wicked! Tada! Go on, take the potato salad with ya. [walking away taking off apron.] Don't mention it.

[Walking back out to front door] Well it's always nice to meet friends of Larry's. And, if you see him, tell him not to feel sorry about his dad. . .and to call! It won't kill him to pick up a phone. [Waves off, and closes door.]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video