Flying Pig: Free Food Line-Up

Transcribed from: Comedy Network
Transcribed by: an anonymous donor

[Mark is at the end of the free food lineup. He looks at the length of the lineup ahead of him. He sighs. Kevin shows up behind him.]

Kevin: [looks up at the sky then sighs] Wow, what a lineup.

Mark: Can say that again.

Kevin: [looks at sky, sighs] What's this lineup for?

Mark: Free food! Flying pig.

[View of cooked flying pig on a table. A man is cutting up a slice of him.]

Kevin: What?!

Mark: Well you didn't hear? [Kevin nods no] Oh god. Mm. Well he was uh [view of Bruce in air saying "Guess my work is done here. Bye!"] entertaining people at one of life's many lineups - uh I think it was a bank-machine. When all of a sudden mm [View of Bruce in-between those wires that hang between tall poles. Electricity is flowing through the wires and around Bruce. Bruce is screaming quietly.] he hit the wires. (Fried) his death. Lucky for us those wires were three hundred and fifty degrees and he was up there for three-and-a-half hours!

Kevin: [touching his forehead] Flying pig is dead??

Mark: Hey. [puts arm around Kevin's shoulder] Think of it this way. He's probably up there entertaining people at the lineup to get into heaven.

[Kevin looks up. Image of Bruce as the flying pig wearing a white T-shirt and hanging in the air with a halo above his head. The sky is blue with white clouds in the background.]

Bruce: Oink oink. Oink oink. Hey. What a lineup. But look at me. Hey, hey, hey. Hee, hee, hee.

[Back at the free food lineup. Kevin is looking up smiling. Mark hands Kevin a plate with cooked flying pig. Kevin pauses, sighs, then takes a bite. Mark also gets a plate and starts eating.]

Bruce: [as a miniature 'ghost' flying pig he flies over his own cooked head] Wheeeee!!

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video