Flying Pig: Bank Line-Up

Transcribed from: Comedy Network
Transcribed by: an anonymous donor

[Scene starts with Mark at the front of a bank-machine lineup talking to a senior right behind him.]

Mark: [pointing at bank-machine] Isn't this great? [lifts hand in which he's holding several envelopes] I mean a week's worth of banking all at once? [man looks at Mark] Now all I have to do is find that bankcard. [starts looking for card]

All people in lineup except Mark: Oh!

Dave: [to Kevin who is touching his own forehead] Look, that pain is throbbing in your forehead again. Would you just relax?

Kevin: Uh... [drops his hand] huh... It's my fault. I'm a line loser. I always get in the slow line and if I change lines then *that* line becomes the slow line.

Dave: [nodding] No it's not you. It's the law of lines.

Kevin: What?

Dave: The law of lines. You see, waiting like matter can neither be created nor destroyed.

Mark: [lifts up hand in which he's holding some stamps and a mint] Hey! Look. Stamps from Belgium. And a peppermint. Lucky me. [pops mint into mouth]

Kevin: [touches his forehead whining] No...

Dave: [to Kevin] Would you relax?!

Bruce: Oink oink. [all people in lineup look up except Kevin who looks around]

Dave: [smiling] Hey everybody, look! [points up] It's the flying pig!

[Kevin looks up]

Bruce: [flying towards the lineup-- skyscrapers are seen in the distance] Oink oink. [stops in the air and waves] Hello everybody! Wheeeeeee!!

Everyone in lineup except Kevin: [smiling and waving] Hello flying pig!

Kevin: [to Dave] Who?!

Dave: The flying pig. He entertains people at bank-machines and other of life's many lineups.

Bruce: Wow. What a lineup. But don't worry about it. Look at me. Hey, hey, hey. [all in lineup laugh] Hee, hee, hee.

[Mark is holding the man behind him by the shoulder. They're both laughing. Bruce rolls over in the air. People in lineup laugh.]

Bruce: Wow. I see the line is thinning out a bit. I guess my work is done here. [waving] Buh-bye!

All except Kevin [he is only waving]: [waving] Bye flying pig! Bye flying pig!

[Bruce turns around and flies away from the lineup]

[Bumper video of Bruce talking to two pigs. He jumps up and down and flaps his arms.]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video