Old Yeller

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: M. Howie

Part One

Mark: And now, the Kids in the Hall present the dramatic conclusion of Old Yeller.

[Mark steps to the left, out of the shot, to reveal a country backdrop. Two kids, played by Scott and Dave (a girl) on their knees, toss a beat-up volleyball back and forth. Bruce, their mother, walks in front of them, holding a shotgun.]

Scott: Hi, Maw.

Bruce: Hi.

Dave: What's wrong, Maw?

Bruce: It's Old Yeller. He's rabid.

[Sad, sentimental music starts, as we cut to a brief shot of a yellow dog with foam around his mouth.]

Scott: Whatcha gonna do now, Maw?

Bruce: Only one thing to do.

[Bruce cocks the gun and aims it at the dog. Kevin enters from the left, wearing denim overalls and sobbing.]

Kevin: It's my dog, Maw. I'll do it.

[Sentimental music stops.]

Bruce: Alright.

[Kevin aims the gun and fires, and he gets sprayed with blood. Scott looks shocked, while Dave just looks sad.]

Bruce: You're a man now, Toby.

[The camera switches to an angle from the left, so we can see the dog with its trainer. Mark steps back into the shot.]

Mark: That was the dramatic conclusion of Old Yeller.

[The trainer walks across to the left with the dog.]


Part Two

Mark: And now, the Kids in the Hall present the dramatic conclusion of Old Yeller.

[Mark steps to the left, out of the shot, to reveal a country backdrop. Two kids, played by Scott and Dave (a girl) on their knees, toss a beat-up volleyball back and forth. Bruce, their mother, walks in front of them, holding a shotgun.]

Scott: Hi, Maw.

Bruce: Hi.

Dave: What's wrong, Maw?

Bruce: It's Old Yeller. He's rabid.

[Sad, sentimental music starts, as we cut to a brief shot of a man on his knees wearing yellow dog ears, with foam around his mouth. Mark sticks his head into the frame.]

Mark: This week's Old Yeller is played by Alvin Toushay [(sp?)], the baby born at Woodstock.

Scott: Whatcha gonna do now, Maw?

Bruce: Only one thing to do.

[Bruce cocks the gun and aims it at the dog. Kevin enters from the left, wearing denim overalls and sobbing.]

Kevin: It's my dog, Maw. I'll do it.

[Sentimental music stops.]

Bruce: Alright.

[Kevin aims the gun and fires, and he gets sprayed with blood. Scott looks shocked, while Dave just looks sad.]

Bruce: You're a man now, Toby.

[The camera switches to an angle from the left, so we can see Alvin standing to the right. Mark steps back into the shot.]

Mark: That was the exciting conclusion of Old Yeller.


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video