Man Boobs

Transcribed from: Comedy Network
Transcribed by: Dexy
Cast- [Scene begins- you see the man and Danny sitting in a sauna. The man has a towel over his neck covering his chest and they both are relaxing.]

Dave: Danny?

Scott: Yeah?

Dave: We're...we're friends, huh?

Scott: Oh yeah..

Dave: Ughh..well would you mind if I ask you a question Dan?

Scott: Shoot.

Dave: Have you ever [pause] looked at my body?

Scott: Geez...I don't know..ughh..[thinking to himself] nope...nope, definitely not. [nods head a few times]

Dave: Would 'ja mind..[stuttering] loo..looking at my body?

Scott: Sure, when would be convenient? Ughh..Wednesday I'm free.

Dave: [stuttering] 'bout now?

Scott: Now?

Dave: Yeah.

Scott: Okee-doke. I'll just..ugh...turn my head a little... [begins to turn head slowly]

Dave: Yeah. the right..[turns head towards dave]...tilt it down..[looks down at Dave's chest] There we go!

Dave: Now Dan, have I always had these breasts? [lifts up towel to reveal he has two women's sized breasts] Or would say..[looks around somewhat embarresed]..or would you say they are something...[pauses, looks around] *new*?

Scott: [still at Dave's chest] Geez..ugh...I dont know. I'm not expert on the body, persay. I like to keep fit but I'm not a fanatic.

Dave: [fast] Oh I understand that...I mean, I'm the same way. [stuttering] I mean, I'm not what you would call body conscious or anything. [pauses, glances down at chest] Its just that, you know how when your putting on weight and you don't really notice it? Just one day you wake up and your..your pants don't fit.

Scott: [agreeing] Yeaaahhhh. Well, you know, we're all getting older.

Dave: yeah...yeah but know Dan, you know, I have to worry about getting pendulous.

Scott: Well, I think ya got a few years left on ya buddy. [leans in to get a closer look]..ohhh...yeah.

Dave: Dan..could 'ja maybe make a little eye contact here?

Scott: [shocked] Huh?!! What?! [looks at Dave] Was I staring??...

Dave: [cutting each other off] yeah Dan..

Scott: Was I staring?..

Dave: Yeah we're staring... Scott: [looking around shocked] I was staring..?

Dave: Yeah were staring.

Scott: Awww geez! I guess the girls in the office are right.

Dave: I guess they are Dan.

[Scott looks back at Dave's chest.]

Dave: [looks at Scott] *DANNY*!

Scott: [looks up shocked] WHAT?! I did it again??!

Dave: [looking annoyed] Yeah.

Scott: I did it again? I did it again?!

Dave: Yes 'ya did.

Scott: [takes hand and smacks forehead twice] Ol' dog! Ol' dog! [looks around ashamed] Geesh..

Dave: yup..yup..

Scott: God..well, how the...ughh....little woman taking it?

Dave: Well, you Dan, she hasn't mentioned I'm thinking their either *real* today. Or..or she's a lesbian.

Scott: Oh..well than ahh..there new. [confidently] Because that Sonya of yours is no lesbian. She's as right as rain. Yeah..

Dave: [fast] You know Dan, you sound a little too sure Dan.

Scott: [nervously] Do I?!

Dave: Yeah Dan.

Scott: [nervously] Do I? I do? [stands up and picks up a bucket] well...that's just because ugh...

Dave: [cutting him off] Yeah, you sound a little too sure there Dan.

Scott: Well because...ughh...I'm a little bit of an expert on these things..[pouring water on the sauna rocks making the room steam up]

Dave: uh-huh..

Scott: know, I just a sixth sense..

Dave: [unbelieving] uh-huh, uh-huh..that did it..

Scott: I could spot a dike in a line up...I'll tell ya..I just got a way.

[Camera zooms in on steam coming off rocks as Scott finishes speaking, screen is completely white.]

Dave: uh-huh... Scott: ..a way about that..

Dave: ok..[long pause] Ugh...Danny?

Scott: Yeah...?

Dave: [stuttering] Are those..are those *your* hands Dan?

Scott: [long pause] Yeah.

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video