Transcribed from: Comedy NetworkCast-
Transcribed by: Dexy
[Scene begins- you see the man and Danny sitting in a sauna. The man has a towel over his neck covering his chest and they both are relaxing.]
- Scott- Danny Husk
- Dave- A man
Dave: We're...we're friends, huh?
Scott: Oh yeah..
Dave: Ughh..well would you mind if I ask you a question Dan?
Dave: Have you ever [pause] looked at my body?
Scott: Geez...I don't know..ughh..[thinking to himself] nope...nope, definitely not. [nods head a few times]
Dave: Would 'ja mind..[stuttering] loo..looking at my body?
Scott: Sure, when would be convenient? Ughh..Wednesday I'm free.
Dave: [stuttering] How..how 'bout now?
Scott: Okee-doke. I'll just..ugh...turn my head a little... [begins to turn head slowly]
Scott:...to the right..[turns head towards dave]...tilt it down..[looks down at Dave's chest] There we go!
Dave: Now Dan, have I always had these breasts? [lifts up towel to reveal he has two women's sized breasts] Or would say..[looks around somewhat embarresed]..or would you say they are something...[pauses, looks around] *new*?
Scott: [still at Dave's chest] Geez..ugh...I dont know. I'm not really..ughh..an expert on the body, persay. I like to keep fit but I'm not a fanatic.
Dave: [fast] Oh I understand that...I mean, I'm the same way. [stuttering] I mean, I'm not what you would call body conscious or anything. [pauses, glances down at chest] Its just that, you kno..you know how when your putting on weight and you don't really notice it? Just one day you wake up and your..your pants don't fit.
Scott: [agreeing] Yeaaahhhh. Well, you know, we're all getting older.
Dave: yeah...yeah but know Dan, you know, I have to worry about getting pendulous.
Scott: Well, I think ya got a few years left on ya buddy. [leans in to get a closer look]..ohhh...yeah.
Dave: Dan..could 'ja maybe make a little eye contact here?
Scott: [shocked] Huh?!! What?! [looks at Dave] Was I staring??...
Dave: [cutting each other off] yeah Dan..
Scott: Was I staring?..
Dave: Yeah Dan..you we're staring... Scott: [looking around shocked] I was staring..?
Dave: Yeah Dan...you were staring.
Scott: Awww geez! I guess the girls in the office are right.
Dave: I guess they are Dan.
[Scott looks back at Dave's chest.]
Dave: [looks at Scott] *DANNY*!
Scott: [looks up shocked] WHAT?! I did it again??!
Dave: [looking annoyed] Yeah.
Scott: I did it again? I did it again?!
Dave: Yes 'ya did.
Scott: [takes hand and smacks forehead twice] Ol' dog! Ol' dog! [looks around ashamed] Geesh..
Scott: God..well, how the...ughh....little woman taking it?
Dave: Well, you Dan, she hasn't mentioned it...so I'm thinking their either *real* new...like today. Or..or she's a lesbian.
Scott: Oh..well than ahh..there new. [confidently] Because that Sonya of yours is no lesbian. She's as right as rain. Yeah..
Dave: [fast] You know Dan, you sound a little too sure Dan.
Scott: [nervously] Do I?!
Dave: Yeah Dan.
Scott: [nervously] Do I? I do? [stands up and picks up a bucket] well...that's just because ugh...
Dave: [cutting him off] Yeah, you sound a little too sure there Dan.
Scott: Well because...ughh...I'm a little bit of an expert on these things..[pouring water on the sauna rocks making the room steam up]
Scott: ..you know, I just ugh...got a sixth sense..
Dave: [unbelieving] uh-huh, uh-huh..that did it..
Scott: I could spot a dike in a line up...I'll tell ya..I just got a way.
[Camera zooms in on steam coming off rocks as Scott finishes speaking, screen is completely white.]
Dave: uh-huh... Scott: ..a way about that..
Dave: ok..[long pause] Ugh...Danny?
Dave: [stuttering] Are those..are those *your* hands Dan?
Scott: [long pause] Yeah.