Bruce's Double

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by:
[Bruce is backstage, watching the monitor with a skit in progress on it.]

[On screen-- Dave: You don't understand me! I'm leaving home. He runs into a room, with a bottle in hand. Scott (?) as voice-over: Norman! The scene continues, as this one begins.]

Man: [a man who looks nothing like Bruce enters] Hey!

Bruce: Hey.

Man: Hey. [laughing]

Bruce: Hey.

Man: Hey Bruce!

Bruce: Nice to meet you.

Man: You know, people say I look like you.

Bruce: Really.

Man: They-they tell me that all the time!

Bruce: Oh, that's uh, that's great, great.

Man: You know, I feel like I'm looking into a mirror. [Takes glasses off and puts his face up to the invisible mirror.]

Bruce: Hmph. I-I-I don't see it.

Man: You don't?

Bruce: Sorry.

Man: Anyway, listen Bruce--one question. Do you have a horny, little devil tattooed on your arms about, ooh, yay-big?

Bruce: Uh, no. I-I don't have a horny little devil tattoo.

Man: That's one way you can tell us apart, right?

[Both laugh]

Bruce: Yeah, anyway. It was--it was great meeting you and, uh, take care--

Man: Hey! You wouldn't want to go play a trick on my wife, would you? She would be so. . .[laughing, can't continue]

Bruce: No. I, uh. See, uh. I actually don't think we look alike.

Man: Really? H-how so?

Bruce: Well, for one thing, I'm not a big, fat. . .bald guy.

Man: Well, not yet. [The sound of the distant scenes is heard as it continues. This scene cuts to a bumper video of Bruce sitting alone on a park bench.]

To Part 2 of Bruce's Double.

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video