Dean and Lex: Videos

Obtained from: Kids in the Hall FAQ
Transcribed by:
Cast: Kevin: Hey videos. Awright. Mahogany. I hear it's [?????]'s best movie. Could I borrow it?

Dave: [pissed but can't articulate it] I haven't seen it yet.

Kevin: Tell ya what. I'll see it tonight and bring it to ya first thing tomorrow.

Dave: Promise?

Kevin: Will do.

[Cut to next day, at the supermarket. Dean is absently applying price stickers to cans of produce.]

Dave: Did you bring my video back?

Kevin: Slipped my mind. But I feel awful about it. I tell ya what I'll do: I'll bring the video tomorrow, plus I'll buy ya one. Do ya have The Godfather?

Dave: No. So you'd really do that?

Kevin: Will do.

[Next day; Kevin is mopping the supermarket floor. Dave is getting apprehensive.]

Dave: So, did you bring my videos?

Kevin: Slipped my mind.

Dave: Should I even ask about The Godfather?

Kevin: Don't bother.

Dave: Man, this is starting to cost me money, ya know. Soon the video store is going to be on my ass and rightly so, 'cause when you rent a video, you enter into a sacred trust!

Kevin: I tell ya what. Let's have dinner tonight. Pesto's at eight. I'll bring the video, I'll bring The Godfather; you know that Paul Simon album you've been wanting me to tape? I'll tape it and bring that too, *and* dinner's on me.

Dave: [Feeling like a jerk] You don't have to bother with all that; just bring me the video.

Kevin: No, I want to. I'm just sick about the whole thing.

Dave: OK. Pesto's at eight.

Kevin: Will do.

[Cut to night; it's after 9:30, and Kevin is nowhere to be found.]

Waiter: Would you care to order, sir?

Dave: Could I have another brasket of bed please?

[yes, brasket of bed; Dave is a gallon of nerves in a quart jar. Kevin walks by the front window of Pesto's with his girlfriend.]

Diane: So, you'll bring the condoms tomorrow?

Kevin: Will do.

Dave: Hey! What up, huh! [Almost hits Kevin, but can't bring himself to] You were supposed to meet me at the restaurant at eight, where were you?!?

Kevin: Slipped my mind. But I feel horrible about the whole thing.

Dave: No! I don't want to hear it! You're the king of empty promises! What we're gonna do now, is we're gonna go to your place and get my stuff, understand?!

Kevin: I have to take my friend [the girl] home first, but I tell you what I'll do. I'll bring your Mahogany video, [Dave starts to shake his head; he's *not having it*] The Godfather video, the Paul Simon tape, a bottle of Scotch, *and* a written apology. I'll meet ya in a half hour.

[Dean stops shaking head abruptly]

Dave: OK. Sorry I had to crack the whip.

Kevin: Forget it.

[Kevin and Diane board a Greyhound.]

Diane: Shouldn't you've told him I live in Winnipeg?

Kevin: Slipped my mind.

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video