Poem by the Emperor of Japan 1 - 3

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: M. Howie

Poem 1

[Mark, as the Emperor of Japan, is in a garden, at a small desk.]

Voice-Over: And now, a poem by the Emperor of Japan.

[Mark looks frustrated, gets up, and walks around the garden. He looks at a small bird in a cage, a flower blooming, a lizard, and a solar eclipse. He suddenly starts counting on his fingers, then rushes back to the desk, where he writes.]

Voice-Over: "Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer."

[Mark holds the paper up over his head proudly.]

Mark: Haiku!

[A nearby guard bows slightly and applauds.]

Poem 2

[Mark, as the Emperor of Japan, walks with a young Japanese woman.]

Voice-Over: And now, a poem by the Emperor of Japan.

[The woman pauses to look at something. Mark keeps going, trips, and falls down a long set of stone steps. Mark sits up and cries, as a group of attendants comes to help him up.]

Voice-Over: "Oops, I have fallen down the stairs again. Many men come running to help me up."

Poem 3

[Mark, as the Emperor of Japan, sits on the floor of a small room with a notebook in his lap. His wife and some various attendants sit around him, and a guard stands against the wall. Everyone has dozed off except Mark. He reads from the notebook.]

Mark: "And that is why, all the robots cry." D'you like it?

[His wife wakes up, nods, and smiles.]

Woman: Yes.

Voice-Over: "I read my wife forty poems. She likes them - no, really, she said so."

[Mark makes a silly face at the woman, and she giggles. He turns the page in his notebook.]

Mark: Okay, "My Big Feet." "My feet are really big. Really, really, really big."

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video