Big Fan Of The Garbage Collectors

Transcribed from: Comedy Network
Transcribed by:
Cast: [Scene: Outside of a house. Garbage truck pulls up. Mark and Kevin pick up bags and throw them into the truck.]

Bruce: (across the street, clapping) Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

[Mark and Kevin give each other weird looks]

Bruce: Bravo! Bravo!

[Truck drives off]

[Truck stops in front of another house. Mark picks up the garbage and is about to throw it in the truck]

Bruce: I know what you're going to do with that. This is going to be great. (claps)

Mark: Look, you've been following me around for 3 days now. What's your problem?

Bruce: You're Al Scagnetti, aren't you?

Mark: (drops garbage) How'd you know?

Bruce: Well, I'm just a big fan of yours.

Mark: What?

Bruce: I just really love your work, Mr. Scagnatti.

Mark: (confused) Thanks.

Bruce: Yeah, I find your approach so thorough. Your arms sweep so dignified. I find it all so cleansing, childlike, yet mournful. Huh?

Kevin: (nods his head)

Mark: (modestly) What are you talking about?

Bruce: I live at 10702 Brayside Drive.

Mark: Oh yeah. Yeah, I remember that route.

Bruce: You do?

Mark: Yeah, in fact, I think I even remember your garbage.

Bruce: No!

Mark: Yeah. Uh, you used to have bottles,

Bruce: Yeah.

Mark: cans,

Bruce: Yeah.

Mark: garbage bags,

Bruce: Yeah.

Mark: and various paper products. Am I right?

Bruce: Yes. That is my garbage.

Mark: So why are you following me around the neighborhood?

Bruce: Well Al, I want what's best for my family so I'm going to buy a house on your route. (hits garbage truck)

Mark: (pulls out bottle of Whiskey from his pocket) Well, uh, you know, (mushy music starts playing) I'm just a garbage man. It's what I do.

Bruce: No, Al, I've seen a lot of good, even great garbage men, but you're- you're the best.

Kevin: (nods and gives Mark a playful punch on his arm)

Mark: You really think I'm good, huh?

Bruce: No I don't.

Mark: What?

Bruce: Actually, I think you're horrible.

Mark: What?

Bruce: Al, I'm with the city and there have been several complaints that you're very slow and often leave garbage behind. I'm putting you on probation.

[Bruce slaps a big yellow 'probation' sticker on Mark's jacket and walks away]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video