Transcribed from: HBOCast:
Transcribed by: KITHFREAK@usa.net
- Scott - Fran
- Bruce- Gordon
- Dave - Brian
[Written across TV screen: "Woodland Heights 2:12 AM" Dave is going through a wallet in the dark. Very intense music is playing in the background. Bruce and Scott are sleeping in the bed near-by.]
Scott: [turning on the nightstand lamp] Brian?
Scott: What are you doing with your father's wallet, Honey?
Dave: Uh, I was just looking for Aunt Barb's phone number.
Dave: Gee, I don't know... HEY! I guess I must be sleep walking, huh?
Scott: Ooooh, then I won't wake ya.
Scott: 'Cuz it's dangerous to wake a sleepwalker.
Scott: Ya know, my cousin Rena was sleepwalking once, and her husband, Bob.....
[Bruce wakes up]
Bruce: [growls] whaaaaa!!!!!
Scott: Oh, Gordon.
Bruce: Brian, what the hell are you doing?
[Dave raises his arms into "sleepwalking" mode]
Bruce: Well, I see. I knew you had been stealing from me!
Scott: Gordon, don't wake him. He's sleepwalking. It's dangerous!
Bruce: Yeah... and I'm asleep too. [gets out of bed] And I'm ready to do a little sleep-fighting.
Scott: [trying to hold Bruce back] Gordon!!!!
Bruce: Don't wake me!!!
Scott: Now c'mon.
Bruce: You goddamn bastard! I'll kick the...
Scott: Oh, c'mon get out. Gordon... really...
[Dave "wakes up"]
Dave: [shivers] uhhhhh. Oh, boy.
Dave: GEE! Where am *I*?!?
Scott: You're at home, Dear.
Scott: Yeah. You were sleepwalking. Are you okay?
Dave: oh, wow, gee!
Dave: What a strange, mysterious organ the human mind is, that we barely understand.
Scott: Oh, yes.
Bruce: Ya thief!
Dave: Somnambulist, okay?
Dave: I wish.
[Dave exits, Bruce gets back into bed]
Scott: [to Dave, out the door] He was joking. I hope you were. [turns around] Gordon! Why did you wake him? You know it's dangerous to wake a sleepwalker! That's what killed my cousin, Rena, ya know. [Scott gets back into bed]
Bruce: Drinking killed Rena.
Scott: Ahh, there's two sides to every story.
Bruce: Fran, the coroner said there was no liver in her body left whatsoever.
Scott: So you say, but there's two sides to every story.
Bruce: Come on, Fran. She died with a gin bottle stuck in her mouth.
Scott: Ahh, there's two sides to every story. What really happened, Mr. Smart E. Pants, is she was, uh, sleepwalking one night, and her husband, Bob, who had been...
[Bruce is snoring away]
Scott: Well, I'll finish it anyways. See, she had a bad oyster at one of those seafood places you can see from the highway. And she....
[Scene fades and ends]
[written across the TV screen, "Woodland Heights 3:01 AM." Bruce is asleep and Scott is still sitting up in bed chatting away.]
Scott: ...and I don't blame Rena at all. I blame the manufacturist who made the nightie. There should have been a warning that is was so flammable. [Scott has said his peace now lays down and turns out the light]
Bruce: [still sleeping] Wha?????
Scott: Hmmmm? What is it, Gordon?
Bruce: Why don't you get up on top of me.
Scott: Oh, Gordon.... It's not even hockey night.
Bruce: No, I think it would be good for both of us.
Scott: Oh, I don't know.
Scott: [excited] Okay!
[Scott climbs up on Bruce and hikes up the night gown]
Bruce: [waking up] Whaaaa!!!!!!!
Bruce: [sitting up. Scott jumps out of bed] Fran... What the HELL are you doing?!?!?
Scott: [pacing the floor] Well, Gordon, I , uh, I was just seeing what the, uh, temperature was like outside. And uh, well I didn't hear that noise downstairs. Aaaand I think I smell toast burning.
[Scott exits and Bruce calms down and lies back down]
Bruce: C'mon, you "Hee-Haw"girls! Don't make me come to that cornfield after ya.
[scene fades to black]