Wanna See a Dead Body?

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Andrew Greenberg

Cast-

• Scott- Man
• Bruce- White-haired Criminal
• Dave- Man's first date
• Kevin- Man's second date

[Scene of a corn field at dusk]

[Scott and Dave leaving movie theater smiling.]

Dave: That was good. I really liked that. It was a good movie.

Scott: I really liked that. It was fun, eh?

Dave: It was-- that was a fun movie.

Scott: I wonder how it ended.

Dave: You wanted to stay.

Scott: No, I didn't.

Dave: You did. You wanted to stay. I'm sorry.

Scott: No.

Dave: I'm sorry I made you leave. I'm--

Scott: No!

Dave: We can go back there...

Scott: No!

Dave: You were just being nice.

Scott: No! You were tired.

Dave: Ok.

Scott: We can go see another movie if you want.

Dave: No, I don't think I want to see another movie.

Scott: Well, what do you want to do?

Dave: I don't know.

Scott: Want to go see a dead body?

[Cut to hustling through the cornfield with a flashlight.]

Scott: Do you prefer instant or drip or perked coffee?

Dave: You're gonna think I'm crazy, but I've always liked instant coffee better than regular, real coffee.

Scott: Me too! I do too! Here we are.

Dave: Oh, God. Oh, jeez.

Scott: Ta da!

[Throws open the cover over the body revealing a body of some guy in a white shirt and tie, with blood on the side of his head, gag in mouth, his hands tied with a belt]

[Dave making gasp-like oh / ho sounds in amazement.]

Scott: Wow.

Dave: That's cool.Jeez.

[Cut to white haired criminal throwing Scott against a metal.]

Scott: [throw up against the fence] Ah! Ah!

Bruce: I can't believe you showed her the body.

Scott: I'm really sorry about that. But, you know how it is. It just came up in conversation.

Bruce: But we swore a blood oath.

Scott: I'm *really* sorry about that. I promise that I won't do it again. I really mean it. [whimpering] [to the other guy standing next to Bruce] Hi. I don't think we've met yet. [Bruce is seething.]

[Scott starts whimpering again.]

[Cut to movie theater again where Scott and now Kevin are leaving the theater. They're laughing.]

Kevin: Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful movie.

Scott: Oh, yeah.

Kevin: So... what now?

[Scott obviously thinking about whether or not to.]

[Cut to them hustling in the cornfield with a flashlight.]

Scott: Oh... Oh, here, here. Yeah. Ok.

[Scott and Kevin screaming.]

[Bruce as the white haired criminal is in the place that the body used to be. He stands up.]

Bruce: I knew it! I knew I couldn't trust you!

Scott: It came up in conversation!

[Kevin faints]

Scott: [whimpering] Oh, no.

[Bruce starts choking Scott.]

Scott: Don't kill me!

Bruce: What am I going to do with you?

Scott: Aah! [faints and falls onto Kevin on the ground]

[Bruce walks off through the cornfield.]