Darrill: Painting with the Inner Child

Transcribed from: Comedy Network
Transcribed by: an anonymous donor

[Background music. The image on screen as the man talks is that of a painting of four children holding hands and standing on a planet.]

Man: And now back to 'Painting with the Inner Child with Daryl'.

[Music stops. Scene takes place in a TV studio. Mark is holding a palette in his left hand and a paintbrush in his right. He is standing in front of a painting. The painting is of a man and a woman holding hands and standing near a lake in which their bodies' reflections are. There are two mountains in the middle of the painting in the background and also, there are trees, one cloud and a blue sky.]

Mark: [looking up] That's Darrill. Can we get that fixed? For once and for all? [looking at painting] Okay. [looks at camera] Aah. Great! Well, spring has sprung in our little forest thanks to a combination of the number-two brush [shows brush], uh the ochre [points to painting] and the forest green [points to painting]. So. Now we're going to add a sun so that our two lovers [points to lovers] - who are probably getting up to some romance down here on the foreground - might have something to warm them up. But let's hope they keep their clothes on because [looks at palette] I'm completely out of pink. Okay. Now to do a sun is not hard. And I have a trick for you. It's easy. All you need is [looking around] something round like um, [sees and picks up a Styrofoam cup off of the filming camera] oh like the bottom of this uh Styrofoam cup - which Martin, our cameraman, was enjoying some hot chocolate in - and what you do is you take [brings cup close to his body, turns it upside down and spills contents on his robe]-- Oh I see you were still enjoying that Martin. I'm sorry. Um... I guess I owe you one hot chocolate. Uh you remind me though, okay? Alright. Well, let's take the, the *now* empty cup which we will press into some yellow paint, [presses bottom of cup into paint] like so, and then place in the canvas somewhere around the tops of the mountains. Now not on the land or it'll be, "Run for your lives! The sun has landed! And not even the children can be safe." No, we put it in the sky, okay? [presses bottom of cup in canvas] Like so. Landscape painting is so easy isn't it? Great! [throws cup down] Now that that's done let's turn our attention back to the lovers. Now, when I brought in the canvas from the storeroom today, Martin - our cameraman - remarked that he thought the lovers looked-- [to man] well how did you put it Martin?

Man: [sitting down browsing through a magazine] I said I thought they were fucked.

Mark: [pauses, then to camera] I think what he meant is vague. And I agree. So, let's give them something shall we? Now if you remember all great paintings have an element of tragedy to them. Uh for instance if you remember from *last* week, the unicorn was stuck on the aircraft carrier and couldn't get off. [view of painting in which there is a yellow sky and a unicorn standing on a ship carrying airplanes on blue water] That was very sad. Uh and this week some of you wrote in with your suggestions. In fact Mrs. Trabinsky of Paulvale Street wrote in and suggested we give this lover [points to man in painting] a tumor in his head. So, let's begin! Now colour is especially important with a tumor. You want some red [uses brush to take some red paint and moves it to a different part of the palette], and you want some green [takes green paint on brush and mixes it with the red], and you want a little bit of blue [takes blue paint and mixes it with the others] to make it out-- There. Can you see that? That's a really nice colour for a tumor isn't it? Alright. Now, let's work with the colour we've created and add the tumor. [paints tumor on top of the head of the man] Now the thing is we don't want the tumor too big, we don't want to [points to mountains] steal focus from the mountains, okay? And what we'll do is we'll reflect the tumor in the water, down here, but we work again with the colour we've created, [paints tumor on man's reflection] we just sort of imply it because we don't want to wind up screaming, "Hey everyone look! There's a reflection of a tumor in the lake!" It's not what we want. [looking at painting] Well this is uh... quite a sad painting now I think. Perhaps this is the last time our lovers will be here together. I don't think this one will be around the next time ss-the snows settle on the gentle slopes of Mount Schwarzkopf [pointing with brush to mountain] up here. So--

Man: Okay. Time's up.

Mark: [to man] What? Out of time already? [to camera] Ho, what a damndable nuisance that clock is! Uh, okay. I guess the mountain goats and the UFOs will have to wait for next week and we'll-- [background music; to man] What do you mean not next week? Well when am I back? Well painters want to know! Can we--

Man: This has been 'Painting with the Inner Child with Daryl'.

Mark: That's Darrill.

Man: Yeah, yeah, yeah...

Mark: [looking up] Could you get that fixed?

[bumper video of Mark in front of a painting holding the palette and the brush in his hands]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video