Custody

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Tlyco@aol.com
Cast: [In judge's chamber.]

Mark: [seriously] Okay, Chad. I've heard both your parents' stories now. But, you're a big boy. You're nine. And I think you're big enough to make a big decision. Now, do you want to live with your mommy?

Dave: Pick me, Chad. C'mon Chad. Pick me. Pick your mother. C'mon. You owe your mother. Pick your mother. C'mon.

Mark: Or your dad?

Bruce: [delays. Has a glass of liquor in his hand, near his mouth. Tilts with his head repeatedly like one would to say "go that way."] Pick her. [Takes a drink.]

Chad: It's hard; they both love me so much.

Mark: Yeah, I know. But, Chad, we have to come to a decision. Now, do you want to live with your mommy?

Dave: Yesss. . .

Mark: Or you daddy.

Bruce: [shakes his head "no".]

Mark: [enthusiastically] Or this glamourous movie star?

[Cut to door which opens, and there stands Scott. The lights are softened. Scott is dressed in a pink sequin gown with a platinum blond shoulder length hair. He smiles.]

Chad: The movie star.

Mark: I think you made the right choice.

Scott: Oh Chad.

[Chad leaps into Scott's arms. Exit.]


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video