A.T. & Love: Don't Blame the Clown

Transcribed from: Comedy Network
Transcribed by: an anonymous donor

[In a conference room. Everyone is sitting down at the table except for Dave who's standing behind Scott and the man on Scott's left. Dave has one hand on the man's shoulder.]

Dave: Well, we've had an excellent week overall and I, I'd just like to, just like to congratulate [puts hands on Scott's shoulders] Danny Husk here on bringing in Feldman Oil as new clients.

Scott: Oh yeah.

Dave: Congratulations Danny.

[Scott and the man sitting next to him applaud]

Dave: [kisses Scott on top of head] Mwa! [patting Scott on the back] Good work. [walks over to his chair] You know that'll be bringin' in about fourteen million dollars to the company (coverage) and I just, I just couldn't be more, more proud of you Danny. [sits down] But I am a little concerned about the, the drop in billable hours over the last few weeks I [Dave is sprayed with seltzer]-- [pointing to the door] OUT! OUT HUSK!

Scott: But--

Dave: GET OUT!

Scott: SIR! Please. I didn't do anything.


Scott: No I--

Dave: OUT!

Scott: No I didn't sir. *I* brought in the Phelbman account.


Scott: But sir I, I really didn't do anything.

Dave: Well the seltzer bottle's in front of *you* Husk!

Scott: Well it wasn't me. It was--

Dave: It was who Husk?

Scott: Never mind. You don't wanna know.

Dave: Who was it Husk?

Scott: You don't wanna know.

Dave: Yes I do Husk. I do. Yes I do Husk. In fact I do. Point of fact, I do want to know Husk.

Scott: Believe me you don't want to know. No you don't. Trust me for once, trust me again. No you don't.

Dave: I think we all wanna know.

Scott: No!

Dave: [talking to the woman sitting on Scott's right] Sara Banks don't you wanna know? [Woman nods yes. Then, to the man on Scott's left] Douglas I'm sure you'd like to know. [to the clown sitting at the end of the table opposite to Dave] Bingo I'm certain is curious [clown nods yes] So Husk, who the hell was it?

Scott: Who the hell do you think it was? It was Bingo!

[all turn to look at the clown who turns his head]

Dave: DON'T BLAME THE CLOWN HUSK!! OH!! [standing up] IT'S EASY TO POINT THE FINGER AT THE CLOWN! OH YES. THE *CLOWN* THREW THE PIE. THE *CLOWN* HIT THE MIDGET WITH THE BOARD. THE *CLOWN* LED JUMBO ONTO THE TRACKS! WELL I AM SICK OF YOU SCAPEGOATING THE CLOWN HUSK! [Scott starts crying and hits the table with his clipboard-folder] GET OUT HUSK!! GET OUTTA HERE YOU CLOWN-HATER!! GO ON! I'M SICK OF LOOKING AT YOU. [Scott gets up] TAKE YOUR BIGOTRIES AND LEAVE THIS COMPANY!! [Scott walks towards door] COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, MOVE IT, MOVE IT, MOVE IT, MOVE IT, MOVE IT!!! [Bingo throws a balloon at Scott] YOU ASKED FOR IT HUSK! [Scott slams the wall with his clipboard] YOU ASKED FOR IT! YOU DESERVE WORSE! OUT YOU GO! GET OUT! [Scott leaves crying] OH BOY I JUST, I JUST CAN'T [sits down and looks at Bingo] stay angry when I look at that face. [Bingo shows Dave a red balloon dog] Oh look. A balloon dog!

[Bingo and Dave climb on the table and crawl towards each other. Bingo hands Dave the balloon dog and Dave takes it.]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video