Blues Man Wannabe

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Devri Richmond
Cast- [Mark is playing harmonica with Brian. Dark night set, on the back porch of some dilapidated set. Mark has a Mississippi Gary accent when speaking.]

Mark: Oh man, [does scat stuff.] All right now. Oh, man, [Does more scat stuff.] All right now. You know, I seem to remember a time way back when I was just a little kid. And that wahn't too long ago, you understand. That one day I was uh, comin back from the schoolhouse. And me and my brother we were walking along the road there. And we see this cow standin' in the middle of the road. And my brother said to me, "See there's a cow standin in the middle of the road." And I said, "Well, that don't look right." And he said, "That's right." So me and my brother we went away, and we got ourselves these uh, sticks. What we called swack 'em sticks. And we went around the cow, you understand, and we wupped its butt, yes, we wupped its butt, back into farmer Jackson's field, cuz that's where that cow belonged, you understand!

[Rusty hacking laugh.]

Gawd, washa vaa, washa vaa un ae aa!

[His face goes straight. He puts his hand behind him and stops Brian. Mark takes off his glasses and his hat, and looks at the camera.]

Well, I suppose you're wondering what the hell I'm doing, imitating an eighty-year-old blues guy like that. Uh, I guess it's not something I should be doing. I don't really know much about the Southern blues experience, the whole Mississippi delta thing, really, I'm from Vermont. It's not like, that I wouldn't want to know more about the whole Southern blues thing, uh, it's just that there weren't a lot of blues guys around when I was growing up, uh, they tend not to be skiers. Uh, I suppose culturally my roots are a little bit closer to The Pogues, uh, but it's just not the same vibe, I mean, there's a certain feeling you get when you take one of those old blues albums you got in college and you lay it on the turntable, and then, you know, the first thing you know-

[Brian starts with the blues riffs again. Mark is back to his first voice.]

You know I, seem to remember a time, yeah, I seem to remember a time, like the time that I was playin with, uh, Mississippi Fred McDowell, and down in Tennessee, you know, and, uh, we was playin a juke joint, as I remember, and, uh, at this juke joint, it was built out over an old liquor warehouse, you understand, and there were some barrels of bad liquor down in the basement, very foul kinda stuff, you know, so were we were about half way through our gig that night, you understand, and I hear a ca- boom, and I see Mississippi Fred goin up through the roof like a rocket, yes, now, he go up, but he don't come back down. I didn't see him till nine, ten years later until he was in Chicago, I saw him again. He was playin the same song too. [laughs.] And when I saw him, I jumped on stage with him, I said, "come on, Mississippi Fred, let's hand bone!"

[Looks back at Brain, who speeds up. Mark starts doing the hands bone, slapping hands on thighs.]

Yeah, that's it! Oh, yeah, we're handbonin' down the city, we're handbonin' down the line, we're handbonin' down the city, OW!

[Hold his hand. Guitar player stops. Mark looks up, straight-faced again.]

Well, I seem to have injured myself doing the hand bone. I guess the saner of you might say, uh, what are you doing the hand bone for anyway, college boy, you might injure your lily-white collegiate hands. You'd be right. Well, I think I should just leave. Yeah, uh, I think I should just leave. Yeah, it's for the best.

[Brian starts up with the slower blues riffs.]

Of course, I could always leave in the key of C.

[He takes the harmonica out of his pocket. He plays with the Brian, camera slowly zooms out.]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video