Mark: Truck Owner

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by:
[Mark is behind a desk, as Bobby's father, talking on the phone. The conversation is hardly audible and may be transcribed here wrong. Also, it sounds like Comedy Central changed 2 parts in this skit when Mark says "screw" because the sound appears to not fit. This could also be wrong.]

[On phone]

Mark: That ain't good to ya? That ain't good? No, I told you that's the price. Well, screw ya! Alright, well talk you you later, Barney. Bye.

[Hangs up, addresses audience]

I started with one truck. One truck. . .you know. But, I worked hard and I saved every cent. And when I had enough money? I bought another truck. My wife drove one and I drove the other one. We worked 365 days a year, day and night. Sure we were tired, but we delivered, that's what people remember. And when we found that we had enough money? We bought another truck. And it was about, ah. . .oh five months after that, we bought _another_ truck. I had four trucks. Competition was startin' to notice me. Some of them tried to screw me! But, I went over, I talked to them like gentlemen, you know: parlez, parlez. And, uh, we got together and we screwed this other guy. He went under. . .and at the auction, I bought one of his trucks!

Ah, times were good. You know? My wife--she quit drivin'. We had our first kid--named a truck after him! But then that friggin' recession hit. [tears up] I had to sell two trucks. Some guys wound up truckless! But, me? I worked harder than everyone. I never gave up. Not once. And when, at last, I bought another truck? *That* one was the sweetest truck I *ever* bought. Ever! Since then, I built my empire together one truck at a time. That's my philosophy: One truck at a time.

You know, the other day this kid comes in to see me. He was lookin' to buy a used truck. Normally I would've ripped him off. But he was 18, 19, 20, something like that, and it was his first truck. So, I gave him a deal. Made me smile.

[picks up phone and talks, not audible.]

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video