Transcribed from: Comedy Central[Mark, Kevin, and Scott sitting around a table eating fast food and talking.]
Transcribed by: M. Howie
Mark: So then, she took her long, bony finger, pointed it at me, told me that I had no future as a bicycle courier-
Mark: Yeah, yeah, then she took the vegetarian chili and whipped it all over my kitchen.
Kevin: What a creep! Creep!
Mark: It was everywhere, the walls, the floor, it got into my aquarium, killed one of my angelfish-
Scott: Your fish?
Mark: Yeah, the fish.
Scott: I love your fish.
Mark: I love my fish, why didn't you tell me that she was-
[Bruce steps up to them and pulls their table back a few inches]
Bruce: Okay then, what's with all the hoopla?
Bruce: Yep, I heard hoopla.
Kevin: Look, we were just talking, if we were too loud, I apologize.
Bruce: No, no, no, I distinctly heard hoopla.
Mark: Hey man, no hoopla here.
Bruce:: [getting in M's face] Hey! I'm not a man, I'm a security guard, and I can spot hoopla from about a mile away.
Mark: Look, what's the big deal, I was just talking to my friends here, y'know, we were just sitting around having a hamburger and talking, that's-
Bruce: Hey! I know what you were doing. No hoopla. Y'know what hoopla-makers get?
Mark, Kevin, Scott: No.
Bruce: They get an ear toss. That's right [pinching Kevin's ear], they get tossed right on their ears! Hey man! [points at Scott] Don't even think about it! Okay guys, I've been pushed a little bit too far. I'm taking your salt.
Bruce: I'm confiscating your salt, guys, and if there's any more hoopla from this general vicinity, I'll be back to take down your names and, uh, weigh your heads.
[Bruce pushes table back and exits]
[outside, Bruce takes off his jacket - Dave starts the car as Bruce jumps in and they drive away] Dave: Get the salt?
Bruce: Yeah, but it wasn't easy.
Dave: They see your face?
Bruce: No, I don't think so.