My Routine

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[screen reads 'MY ROUTINE']

Bruce: [outside with a golf club] [swoosh] I'm a golf pro. So obviously I wake up in the garbage. First thing I do in the morning is go across the street to the restaurant, y'know....Grab a guy by the throat and whisper something in his ear like oh, I don't know..'I'm on fire. Give me your hair.' Then I let 'im go, you know, I uh.. chase a bus for a while. You know.. Couple a blocks; make sure it's not doing nothing I don't like then I let it go.. Then I get bored then I go up on a roof. I just howl at the city. You know I love to howl at this big city. Then I come down, have a cup of coffee and read the paper. [swoosh]

Dave: [on a stool in a recording studio with an electric guitar] Me? I'm a songwriter. Y'know and that isn't easy although I've had some success in the past, y'know I had a..a song on the charts back in '79, y'know maybe you remember it ahh... [strums and sings] 'If ya need someone ta -da-daa. da da dum... Rabundaaaaa..' Was called *Rabunda*. Um.. Well ever since then you know, I've just been plugging away y'know, trying to come up with number two, cause y'know haven't sure I've got it in me.. So what I do every day is I get up and ah first thing- I re-write my hit. Write it out on brand new paper, and give it a brand new name. Y'know and then I send it out... *that* way, out towards the industry. And then uh I go back home, have a cup of coffee, read the paper.

Mark: [entering a doorway] My routine? Sure, sure, no problem.. umm.. okay ah.. first thing in the morning... I.. *wake up*! ...And then I *get* up.. And then uhhh.. I uh.. I have a shower usually.. Aaand um.. Oh. Oh. And then I get dressed.. And uh.. I put on a nice new shirt.. And then ah.. I take out um, my Zippo lighter, and I light my *shirt* on fire... It burns up.. And then the ambulance comes, and ah and then it takes me to the hospital, and then the doctor comes out, yeah the doctor, and he works on my burns, for a while, and ahh.. And after *that*, I get to go to the waiting room, where I have a cup of coffee, and I read the paper. Relax y'know.

Scott: [on construction site] Well first thing I like to do in the morning is wake up. Y'know, then I brush my teeth... I'm always late so I like to ah get dressed as I run to the bus y'know.. Pull on the pants, the shirt, the whole thing right? I don't wear underwear, so that one saves time. No matter how early I am though, I always stop at the corner store, for a coffee to go and a paper. I don't dick around right? Y'know I'm talkin' about a coffee the size of my head.

Kevin: [outside hospital and leaning against car] Well I'm a surgeon, so my days are very busy. But my mornings are great. What I like to do is take a nice shower, go down have a light breakfast - *always* fat-free, hop in my BMW and drive to work. Slow and easy. When I get to the hospital it's *boom*! The nurse is there. *Boom*! On with the gown. *Boom*! I'm handed my favourite scalpel *Boom*! Then I work on a guy who lights his shirt on fire. Then it's off with the gown, down the morgue, and I have my favourite cup of coffee and I read my newspaper.

[Waiting room, Mark seated with torso in bandages]

Nurse: Here's your shirt, Norman.

Mark: Aw, thanks Patty....Have a nice da-ay!

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video