Premise Beach

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Joe Panzner

Part 1

Cast- [The setting is Premise Beach. Kevin and Dave are dressed up in every shade of neon possible. SMOASP are on the beach, playing fun surfy music as usual, and are dressed in neon as well. Much wacky dancing done by Kevin and Dave througout.]

Dave and Kevin: Premise Beach!

Dave: Premise!

Kevin: What if!

Dave: What if a man ran for public office who really shouldn't have bothered!

Dave and Kevin: Premise!

[Cut to scene with Scott talking to Mark and the man. It's a warehouse-ish place, and Mark and the man are both holding absurdly small paint rollers]

Scott: Well, I won't take up anymore of your time. I just hope that I can count on your vote come election day. Thank you.

[Scott puts his hand out so that the man can shake it, but Scott's hand is a slab of meat. The man shakes it, but Mark passes]

[Cut back to the beach]

Kevin: Get it?

Dave: He doesn't stand a chance in hell!

Kevin: He's got a meat hand!

Dave: Surf's up on...

Dave and Kevin: Premise Beach! Premise!

Part 2

Cast-

[Once again, cheesy, eighties neon clothes, wacky dancing, and SMOASP]

Dave: Premise!

Kevin: What if!

Dave: What if there were people whose heads resembled beautifully wrapped presents!

Kevin: Brilliant! It's a...

Dave and Kevin: Wacky premise!!! Premise!

[Cut to scene with Mark and Scott sitting on a couch. Their heads do, indeed, look like beautifully wrapped presents]

Mark: Thank god we made it through another Christmas safely

Scott: Without our heads being torn to shreds by happy children

Both: Whoosh!

[Back to the beach scene. Kevin and Dave limbo under the guitar necks]

Kevin: Get it?

Dave: Holidays are hell!

Kevin: When you're a gift head!

Dave and Kevin: Premise!!!


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video