Ping Pong

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Trista Lycosky

Part One

[Dave and Kevin are apparently playing ping-pong. They're not in the shot. We only see the net and a bit of the table. In the "50 yard line" seat is Mark. His head turns, following each shot. After each shot he comments.]

Mark: Look out, Kev.
Watch it, Dave.
Comin' at ya, Kev.
Look out, Dave.
Watch it, Kev.
Watch out, Dave.
Look out, Kev.
Here it comes, Dave.
Watch it, Kevvv!
Watch it, Daaave!
Watch it, Kev!
Watch it, Dave!
Heads up, Kev!
Look out, Dave!
Comin' back at ya, Dave!

[But the shot doesn't make it over the net.]

Mark: [to Kev] Come on, man. I told you to look out for it. Weren't you listening?


Part Two

[Same set-up. Mark's head isn't in sync this time. It goes back and forth, but not with each shot.]

Mark: Wanna know who I'm for? You wanna know? You wanna know who I'm rooting for? Do ya wanna know who I'm for? I'll tell you who I'm for, do you wanna know? I'll tell you. I'm for one of you guys. Do you wanna know who I'm for? Do you wanna know who I'm rooting for? I'll tell you. Do you-- Do you wanna know who I'm for? I'll tell you. Do you wanna know who I'm rooting for? I'm rooting for one of you guys. Do you wanna know who it is? Do you wanna know who I'm rooting for? I'm really gunning for one of you guys? C'mon ask me. C'mon do ya--

[Kev's shot hits the net. Mark turns to Dave.]

Mark: [pointing at Dave] I'm rooting for you. [Turns to Kevin] You piss me off.


Part Three

[Same set-up.]

Mark: Last point. Last point, you guys. Last point. Last point in the game. Let's go, guys. C'mon, last point.

[Dave fires a shot that Kevin misses.]

Mark: Whoa! 'Kay, do I play now? Do I play now? Are we gonna play round-robin? Is that it? Am I playing? Can I play now? Can I play now? I'm ready! [Hold up his paddle.] I'm ready to play now. Want me to play? We're doing round-robin, right? My turn? My turn to go? Can I go?

[Dave and Kevin start up again, without saying a word. They hit back and forth a bit and Mark realizes he isn't going to play now. He begins commenting on shots again, but with much less enthusiasm.]

Mark: Good shot.
Nice shot.


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video