Transcribed from: Comedy Central[Dave and Scott sit at a small table drinking beer.]
Transcribed by: M. Howie
Dave: So, uh, how are things going with you and Leslie?
Scott: Oh, good.
Dave: Oh, that's good to hear.
Scott: Yeah, y'know, I'm just taking it one step at a time.
Dave: Oh, well, that's the best way.
Scott: Yeah, y'know, I mean, I'm the first to admit that I've made some mistakes in the past.
Dave: Oh yeah, yeah.
Scott: Y'know, rushed things.
Scott: But this time, it's different. Y'know, I've learned the value of patience, I've learned how to just take things one step at a time.
Dave: Oh, well, that's the only way.
Scott: Oh, yeah, don't try to rush things, don't try to control things-
Dave: No, no.
Scott: Just take it one grasping, desperate, step at a time.
Dave: I think that's the right attitude.
Scott: Oh yeah, y'know, I mean, I'm older now-
Scott: And wiser-
Dave: Of course.
Scott: I've finally leadned how to take things one clinging [starts to choke up], possessive, jealous [composes himself], step at a time.
Dave: Good for you.
Scott: Oh yeah, people need their space.
Scott: I need my space, I know that, that's why I just take things one stiffling [starts choking up again], smothering, overwhelmingly needy [composes himself], step at a time.
Dave: Tell me about it.
Scott: Yep, just one "don't go! Okay, go! I don't need you! I don't need anybody! Nobody loves me! I'm a freak!" - step at a time.
Dave: Well, I think that's the only way 'cause, I mean, you don't want to scare the other person off, right?
Scott: Yeah, exactly, and y'know, interestingly enough - [breaks down sobbing] Leslie left me.
Dave: Awwwwww. Well, I'm sure it's for the best.
Scott: [composes himself] I guess you're right. Hey, can I buy you another beer?
Dave: Sure - then back on that horse!
Scott: Hey, I feel lucky!
[Dave and Scott laugh out loud, then sob, then laugh, then sob, then laugh.]