Nobody Likes Us Guys: Bank Loan

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by:
Cast: Scott: Gentlemen, in reviewing your present situation we've determined that you have no collateral, no experience running a business, not even a credit rating. Gentlemen, you haven't even been able to produce any identification. I feel it would be inadvisable of the bank to approve a lone at this point.

(Dave and Kevin sit across the desk with a mope-y look on their face)

Kevin: You don't like us.

Dave: That's what this is about really.

Kevin: I told ya' it's all a popularity contest.

Scott: Gentlemen i assure you it's nothing personal.

Dave: Nothing personal? You don't like us. That's nothing personal?

Kevin: You'll be sorry when we're dead. Betcha' will.

Dave: Betcha' will.

(They keep mumbling "Betcha' will" back and forth)

Scott: (Covering mouth and making a telephone noise) Hello? Elinor Dickinson.

Dave: She'll be sorry.

Kevin: She'll be sorry.

Dave: I bet she'll be sorry.

Kevin: I bet you're right.

Dave: I bet I am.

(Dave and Kevin walk by a house)

Kevin: This is her house here.

Dave: Are you sure?

Kevin: Hey! Get off my back.

Dave: Sorry.

(Dave and Kevin drop from a tree in front of the house, hanging from nooses)

Dave: Are you dead?

Kevin: No. Are you?

Dave: No. (Pauses) Are you sure this is her house?

(Kevin nods)

Dave: What time does the bank close?

Kevin: I don't know everything. Hey! Get off my back again.

Dave: Okay. (Checks his watch)

(Later that night.........)

Dave: I think we made a mistake. I'm cold.

Kevin: What do you expect me to do about it?

Dave: Touchy. Nobody likes us. Not even me.

Kevin: Not even me too.

(Dave starts pushing Kevin, swinging him from the tree)

Kevin: Stop it.

Dave: No you stop it.

Kevin: Stop it. Stop that, play fair.

Dave: I think you should stop it.

Kevin: This isn't helping my neck any.

Dave: You stop.

Kevin: There goes a knee cap.

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video