Transcribed from: Comedy CentralCast-
Transcribed by: Trista Lycosky
[A reception area of an office. It is filled with white, middle-aged, mostly white-haired men. There are a few younger men among them who have not greyed yet, including Mark, and eventually also Bruce, Dave, Scott. Throughout the skit, the men mingle - shaking hands.]
- Mark- Gerald
- Bruce- Nick (also called Gerald)
- Dave- Gerry
- Scott- Tony
- Extras- Other businessmen
[Close up on hands shaking. Zoom out slowly to reveal that it's two white-haired men giving each other a confident handshake. And Mark is in the background, admiring.]
Mark: Ah, now that was a thing of beauty. Great handshake.
[Bruce enters. He goes right up to Mark and shakes his hand.]
Mark: Mr. Tolson, how are you?
Bruce: Pretty good. Listen, I'm sorry I'm late. You know, uh, traffic.
[Mark laughs. Bruce follows.]
Mark: Ha ha ha, right. Yeah, traffic. Yeah, try that on me, huh?
Bruce: You're right! That excuse you gave me works great!
Mark: Yeah, it does! Doesn't it, though? Doesn't it, huh? So, why were you late, anyway?
Mark: Wow! Life imitates excuses! Incredible!
Mark: Well, anyway. Look out here Gerald, there's a sea of businessmen. The ripples and eddies you catch with your eye - those are the important guys. The name of the game is Networking. Businessmen meeting businessmen for the purpose of meeting them again at a later date. Do you understand?
Bruce: [enlightened] "Networking!"
Mark: Yeah! Now. But you gotta be cool. See that guy?
[Cut to a guy who jumps on another man from behind - clinging on to him with his arms around his neck and legs around his waist.]
Guy Being Jumped On: Oh!
Mark: He's trying WAY too hard.
Mark: Alright, so. Don't blow it!
Bruce: I won't.
Mark: Just be cool, all right?
Bruce: Right on.
Mark: Okay, here we go.
[Scott enters. He is ultra-smooth - obviously an experienced networker.]
Mark: How are ya, man?!
Scott: Pretty good. Good to see ya.
Mark: Good to see you, sir!
Mark: Yeah yeah!
Mark: Look, this is the guy I was, uh. This is the guy I was telling you about - well, I would have told you about if I'd 've been able to get you on the phone!
Scott: Oh yeah? I was on the other line.
[Mark and Bruce laugh. Scott remains cool. Scott sticks out his hand to be shaken. After a moment, Bruce shakes it. Scott is a firm, confident hand-shaker.]
Scott: Good to see ya. What's your name?
Bruce: Uh, Nick.
Scott: *Nick.* Whaddya do, *Nick*?
Bruce: Well, I'm uh, just starting out.
Scott: Super. That's a great way to break in.
Bruce: Yeah, well I hope to "break in" and "get hot."
Scott: That's a great idea.
Mark: Yeah, isn't it?
Scott: I hope to see you on a mailing list someday.
Bruce: Great, see ya then!
Scott: Ooo-kay. Listen, I'm gonna stand a few feet away.
Mark: Sure, Tony. Sure sure.
Mark: What'd I tell you?
Bruce: Bet he can do something for *me* someday.
Mark: Hey! Well, he knows you. Can that hurt?
Bruce: No way.
Both: Now we're networking!
Mark: You're right! You're right! Right.
[Two white-haired men waltz on by together. Literally.]
Mark: Holy! *That* is a merger! That's a merger. [Mark looks off screen.] Oh! There's another guy I know. [He calls in an enthuastic way.] Hey, Kutzka! Kutzka, come over here. Kutzka, c'mere. C'mon. [Motions to Bruce] Hey, this is the guy I was tellin' you about! C'mere! Caa-mere! Katzka, c'mere, don't let me just stand here. C'mere. Put that thing down! C'mere! Okay, maybe later. [To Bruce] A real important guy. Player. Definitely a player.
Bruce: You think he could do something for me someday?
Mark: Well, he saw you? Can that hurt?
Bruce: No, it can't.
Mark: No, it can't. Yeah.
[Dave enters and goes up to Bruce, and extends his hand. They shake.]
Dave: Hey! There's a lot of buzz that your *hot*, even though you're just starting out!
Bruce: Yes, I believe that I *am* hot.
Dave: Well, you're gonna be needing one of these then.
[Dave takes out a business card and holds it out to Bruce, who takes it but looks a bit confused.]
Mark: [stage whisper to Bruce] It's a business card. Take it.
[He puts it in his handkerchief pocket.]
Bruce: So -- [pulls card out enough to see Dave's name on it] Gerry. Um. Do you like professional sports?
[Mark, who is standing behind Dave pumps his fists - Bruce obviously did well by his training.]
Dave: Ha! By God, I do!
[Dave takes Bruce's hand again. The two shake hands furiously now, and don't stop.]
Dave: I cheer for all the local teams!
Bruce: Really? They're not as good as they *used* to be, I hear.
Dave: Ah, well, nothing's as good as it used to be!
[Still furiously shaking. All three are laughing in between statements.]
Bruce: 'Cept money!
Dave: Money! Gerald! How are you?
[Dave lets go and all the businessmen have now moved in around Bruce and Mark.]
Bruce: Hi. I'm the hot guy.