Transcribed from: DVD (Season One)
Transcribed by: Kim H. (email@example.com)
[Camera slowly moves in on an office door. It says "William & Wonter, Editors" on the glass. The scene changes to the office interior. Kevin and Scott are sitting across from each other at a desk.]
Kevin: I think we should lose this paragraph on page 46. It's unnecessary and confusing.
Scott: Yes, I completely agree. Now what about this character's vacation to Hawaii? To me, it came completely out of left field.
Kevin: Yes, the Hawaii trip does seem like a first idea. Let's cut it!
Scott: Yeesssss...Still it needs something, my feathery friend. Why don't we replace vacation to Hawaii, with a trip, to the...[thinking]
Kevin: Yes...Good idea, the book was lacking in funerals anyway.
Kevin: Now have you read the last chapter yet?
Scott: God No!
Kevin: God, neither have I!
Scott: Ha, he never ends a book well anyway!
Both: Cut the last chapter!
Scott: [holds up a copy of the book jacket] Now, what about this jacket? To me it's obvious, to me it screams, *book*.
Kevin: I trust you, let's lose it.
Scott: [Tears it up] Done! Now we need a break. Let's take a walk.
Kevin: [stands] Right!
Scott: [stands] Left!
[Both exit the office. Cut to them walking down the street with a truck following behind them.]
Both: [both men round the street corner] And, turn!
Kevin: How do you feel about that mailbox?
Scott: Hmm, too red.
Kevin: Lose it!
[Two men jump off the truck and take away the mailbox.]
Kevin: Feelings about the paperbox?
Scott: Eh, like the box, hate the headlines. Lose the news!
Kevin: Good one. What do you think about that bike there?
Scott: Eh, I like it!
Kevin: [points to fire hydrant] I think this neighborhood would look good in a fire.
Scott: Uh-huh. Lose the fire hydrant!
[One of the men from the truck removes the fire hydrant.]
Kevin: There's something missing from this area.
Scott: It needs a bit more red. Gain the flowers!
[A worker places a box full of flowers over a fence.]
Kevin: Nice touch...[notices some flyers for a band] Nice looking band.
Scott: But a bad looking bass player.
Both: Nix him!
[One of the workers uses a can of spray paint to cover over the bass player's face on each flyer.]
Scott: Oohh, that bench!
Both: Get rid of it!
[Two workers come over to a bench a man is sitting on, reading the paper. They indicate he needs to get up, and then take away the bench. The man watches them, baffled.]
Scott: Aah...[notices a man and woman exiting an apartment building. Kevin and Scott walk up to them, nearly nose to nose.]
Kevin: Nice looking couple. I like the girl.
Scott: Mmm, hate the guy.
Both: Strike him!
[Two workers grab the man's arms and carry him away. His girlfriend trails after them, objecting.]
Kevin: Oh, I meant to tell you about your jacket. Unnecessary. Lose it!
Scott: [sheds his jacket on the ground] Consider it gone! And your shoes...I like them, but I'm feeling cantankerous.
Kevin: Your belt. Don't like it, strike it.
Scott: It's gone.
Kevin: Better take your pants off, make it easier.
[Scott pulls his slacks down to his feet and hops out of them. Scott and Kevin continue walking down the road shedding articles of clothes as the truck follows them.]
[Bruce and Laura are kissing in the kitchen. Dave leans over to Mark.]
Dave: So, they're back together again.
[Kevin and Scott enter through the kitchen door.]
Kevin: Like the guy.
Scott: Mmm, like the girl.
Both: Cut the parents!
[Two workers come into the kitchen and drag Dave and Mark away from the table and out of the kitchen, both protesting.]
Mark: What? What the hell...hey, hey!
Kevin: Kids need their privacy.
Scott: Yup...[Scott and Kevin sit at the table.] Ahhh...
Kevin: Young love!
Bruce: [to Laura] Officially, it's like we never broke up.
[Laura nods apathetically, and the two resume kissing.]
Kevin and Scott: Hmm...cut the scene!
Kevin: Hmm, what should we cut now?
Scott: What about us? We're not interesting anymore.
Kevin: We never were.
Scott: We *bore* we!
Both: Lose us! Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend us your ears! We come to bury Caesar!
[Both slowly fade from the scene until they vanish altogether.]