Dr. Seuss Bible

Obtained from: Kids in the Hall FAQ
Transcribed by: Bezoomny@aol.com, kurts@infinet.com and palah001@maroon.tc.umn.edu
Cast: Dave: And now . . . the Dr. Seuss Bible! "One day," God said, "This is what I will do. I'll send down my son, I'll send him to you, to clear up this humpity bumpity hullabaloo. His name will be Christ and he'll never wear shoes. And his pals will all call him the King of the Jews!"

He didn't come in a plane, he didn't come in a jeep, he didn't come in the pouch of a high-jumping vo veep. He road on the back of a black sasatoo - which is the blackiest creature you ever could view. He road to Jerusalem - home of the grumpity Jews - where false prophets were worshipped, some even in two's. There was Murray von Muir and Genghis Vo Vooze - the one you could worship by taking a snooze.

Christ spoke from a mound, which is a pile of ground and people gathered around without making a sound. Thus he spake . . . Sin in socks, socks full of sin. How do we quiet this Jehovity din? "Do unto others as they do unto you" That includes you young Timothy Foo!! (points to a little boy) One pharisee said to another he knew -

Kevin: What shall we do with this upitty Jew?

Bruce: We can wash him in wine and make him all clean and into Sam Zittle's crucifixion machine!!!

Dave: Twirl the gawhirl and release the gavlease and in go the nails as fast as you please. And it is said that he said as he bled -

Scott: Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do, for they walk through this life in two crappity shoes.

All: Do you?

Dave: Amen! [closes the Bible, walks off with child]


Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video