Donut Shop

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by:
[In a Donut Shop. Kevin is the customer. Mark is the donut man. Bruce is playing a video game. Scott and Dave are background customers.]

[After Kevin says each donut, Mark puts it in a paper bag.]

Kevin: I'll have a chocolate glazed donut. I'll have a maple donut. I'll have a cocoa-nut donut. Oh, I'll have a *plain* donut. Have I said maple yet?

Mark: [looks in bag] Yeah.

Kevin: Better make that two maples.

Mark: Two.

[Bruce stops playing his game.]

Bruce: Look at you. You human crap-holders. Your wrinkled faces wolfin' down wrinkled crullers. Sittin' there, waitin' for the donuts to turn day old. You're losers! Losers! Go home. Go home to your hot plates and your dying cats. You're all hamsters . . . on a treadmill. Running. Using oxygen! Giving back nothing! If I were you I'd . . .!

Mark: [cuts him off] Hey-hey-hey! You better stop, before you say something you'll regret.

Bruce: Okay, yeah, you're right.

Kevin: I'll have a glazed cruller donut. . .

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video