Dawn of the Dead

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Marie (Ree) Panepinto
Cast- [Transcriber's Disclaimer: Every movement anyone makes is done so pathetically. For the duration of the sketch there is minimal dialog, however Dave and Mark repeat the word "oh" in a pathetically frightened manner. Scott and Kevin pathetically imitate horror movie music (do do-do do-do do-doooo) Let it be understood that they are repeated many many times and will only be acknowledged if they change at all.]

[Mark and Dave are "running" through the woods. They stop and look behind them and keep going. Kevin and Scott appear behind them dressed as a butcher/cook and a crossing guard, only dead. Kevin holds a spatula with two fingers and Scott holds a broken stop sign that dangles helplessly form his hand.]

[Mark stops, motions for Dave to follow, and continues on. Dave stops to take his/her shoes off. The zombies follow.]

[Mark and Dave continue "running" and Dave once again stops to take his/her shoes off.]

[The four of them walk out of the woods.]

[Dave and Mark crawl out from under a corn field. There is no sign of Scott and Kevin behind them. They give a sigh of relief. Then Kevin and Scott pop up behind them and start "singing" again.]

[Mark and Dave walk into a clearing and the zombies follow.]

[Mark drags Dave to a shed. Before they go up the stairs, Dave takes his/her shoes off.]

[They go in and shut the door. Mark turns around to embrace Dave when the zombies come in. They let out an especially loud "Oh!" and start to walk around the table.]

[Mark places a table in the zombies' path, and there is momentary silence. Then the zombies walk around the chair and start singing, Dave and Mark let out another loud "Oh!"]

[Mark puts a lamp in their path, but Scott knocks it over. Yet another loud "Oh!"]

[Dave and Mark walk another few feet, when Dave takes a shoe off and hands it to Mark. Mark throws it at Scott's head and he falls down.]

[Mark throws the other one at Kevin with the same effect.]

[Dave cowers in Mark's arms. Zoom in to a close up of the two of them.]

Mark: [like it is one word] We're safe but for how long.

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video