Buddy: On the Races

Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: KdsInThHal@aol.com
Scott: They say...

That blacks are inferior, because they like to dance and screw around. Excuse me? I love to dance. And as far as I'm concerned, screwing is next to godliness. And I'm the smartest person I know. They say that orientals are superior, because they're better at math and have smaller families. I guess that's why there's only a billion people in China. I mean I'm certainly not having any children. Yet I don't hear alot of people running around touting the superiority of faggots...well just *me*.

They say that *whites* are *smarter* than blacks, but dumber than orientals. I guess we're just right. Hmm? We're the porridge that Goldilocks chose. Not to hot, like those saucy Africans, but not too cold like those chilly Chinese. They say that heterosexuals are better than homosexuals, because we're so permiscuous. I guess that means we're also black. It makes sense, 'cause we can really dance. And boy, do we understand the blues.

People make fun of me because I lisp. Really. Such alot of fuss over a few extra s's. They say that every different group has their own language. For example, fags say things like "Girl", and "Sister", and "What's her problem?". Another example, another example, foxy black mamas. They say things like "Girl", and "Sister", and "What's her problem?"...makes ya think. And straight men say things like "No", and "Too expensive", and "Touchdown", and "Scoooooore!". They're so together.

So let's recap, shall we? Blacks are inferior because they supposedly commit more crime and test lower on white people's I.Q. tests. I don't know about you, but if I was raised in the ghetto, I'd be out there ripping off whitey and forgetting the capital of Maine. And orientals aren't supposed to be as sexually driven as blacks or whites. Hmm, I guess all those tourists who flock to the flesh pots of Bangkok are there for the food. And blacks, because they apparently have larger than usual genitalia, are called stupider. And orientals, because they supposedly have smaller than usual genitalia, are called *smarter*, not cheated. And whites again have perfect weiners and buns. I guess we're just smart enough. Smart enough to stay out of trouble, but too dumb to run convenient stores.

I don't know what all the fuss is all about, we're all just here to find love. I just think the world would be a lot better place if the scientists could keep their slide rules in their pants. It reminds me of something that Yoko Ono once said to Malcolm X in a bistro in Rome. "Oh the food's terrible. But the waiter's hilarious."

Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video