Transcribed from: Comedy Central
Transcribed by: Lindsay Ragis
- Mark- Nina, TV anchorwoman
- Dave- TV anchorman
- Scott- Weatherman
The scene begins with a news broadcast.
Mark: (in a sad voice) We end tonight's news cast on a sad note. We here at Channel 7 have lost a near and dear friend in the person of our studio camera man, Ted Riley.
Dave: (in a sad voice with no expression) We here at Channel 7 would like to extend our condolences to Ted's common-law wife; Maureen, his two illegitimate; children Mark and Donna, his friends, his relatives, he will be missed.
Mark: (in same voice) That's all for Channel 7 news. Have a safe weekend. Kids in the Hall are next.
Scott: (smiles in a lightheartedly voice) We could sure use some laughs!
(Dave and Mark turn and glare at Scott. Scott puts his head down and sad music begins to play throughout the rest of the skit.)
(A picture of Ted Riley is posted on the screen; he is standing by camera equipment wearing a party hat, with a smug look on his face.)
(In the next scene a red car is shot off the edge of a cliff and rotates violently. It eventually catches on fire as it proceeds to plummet. The car is obliterated with each tumble, and the scene ultimately ends when the car reaches the tall grasses.)
(The picture of Ted is once again posted on the screen and this time reads; "R.I.P. Ted Riley.")
Credit to Kids in the Hall/Broadway Video